Scarred for Life
Friday, July 23, 2010 at 09:50AM Question: Do you have any scars on your body? If so, how did you get them? - @maxximillian
Jason X: The most prominent scar on my body is probably the scar I have on my right thigh. This scar is a reminder of the very important life lesson I learned about women very early on.
I was 5-years-old and had the hots for the neighbor girl. She was a year older than me; tall, skinny, with the potential of having a couple of nice melons someday in the future.
I was walking by her house one day and there she was, outside petting her Irish Setter which was tied in the front yard.
She waved to me and smiled, which I thought was odd. Because she never did that. It was always more of a snarl. The exact thing the dog was doing right then as he glared at me.
She started stroking the dog's neck like This could be your cock, as she looked seductively at me and invited me to come over to pet the dog too.
She saw the fear in my eyes. I was 5. Dogs eat kids like me.
"Come over and pet him," she said with a sweet smile. "He won't bite. I promise."
So sweet and pure, how could I resist?
I walked over, reached out my hand to pet the dog and the dog immediately bit me in the leg.
I love women. But I learned early in life not to trust them. Especially women with dogs.
Question: Assuming there was an ominpresent god who knows all about you, past, present, and future: What would you do if god told you from now on you won't ever feel love or romantic affection of any kind, including sex? - @ce54r
Jason X: Including sex? Well, that's simple. I'd kidnap baby Jesus and hold him for ransom until god let me have sex again. I've dealt with his kind before.
Question: "All husbands think they're gods. If only their wives weren't atheists..." (Kathy Lette from "How to Kill Your Husband (and other handy household hints). Discuss. - Fairywhispers
Jason X: Just because an atheist doesn't believe in God, doesn't mean He doesn't exist. And if your wife refuses to worship you, there are always other women who will. What Ms. Lette is probably referring to when she talks about "killing your husband," is actually killing your husband's hopes and dreams, which is what wives tend to be very good at doing. Not all wives, but you know who you are...
Reader Comments (6)
Dude, don't you remember god pretty much wanted Jesus (who's supposedly god himself) to be crucified? You think he gives a shit about you kidnapping baby Jesus? He won't give a fuck, he'll laugh in your face. I think your technique won't work.
Cesar: But if I kidnap baby Jesus, I kidnap god. No sex for me, no sex for god. And you know god fucks all the time. It'll work.
Do you know the Virgin Mary? That's god's mom! And she's a VIRGIN! You're doomed.
Cesar: She had kids after Jesus. How many "miracle" births did Joseph put up with? That dude was a sucker. But you might be right. I might have to reevaluate my strategy. Maybe I could bribe god with more virgins. If I can find any.
Oh fuck, the Lucy syndrome, with a dog. Dude. Not all of us are mean. I know you learned that along the way, too, or you wouldn't get laid. xo
No, you're right, I do get that. But this was only my first experience with a woman pulling the football away. I've had many more. I'm not bitter or angry. I love women. But I don't trust them. And likewise, they shouldn't trust me.