Jason X: The most prominent scar on my body is probably the scar I have on my right thigh. This scar is a reminder of the very important life lesson I learned about women very early on. 

I was 5-years-old and had the hots for the neighbor girl. She was a year older than me; tall, skinny, with the potential of having a couple of nice melons someday in the future.  

I was walking by her house one day and there she was, outside petting her Irish Setter which was tied in the front yard. 

She waved to me and smiled, which I thought was odd. Because she never did that. It was always more of a snarl. The exact thing the dog was doing right then as he glared at me. 

She started stroking the dog's neck like This could be your cock, as she looked seductively at me and invited me to come over to pet the dog too.

She saw the fear in my eyes. I was 5. Dogs eat kids like me. 

"Come over and pet him," she said with a sweet smile. "He won't bite. I promise."

So sweet and pure, how could I resist? 

I walked over, reached out my hand to pet the dog and the dog immediately bit me in the leg.

I love women. But I learned early in life not to trust them. Especially women with dogs. 

Question: Assuming there was an ominpresent god who knows all about you, past, present, and future: What would you do if god told you from now on you won't ever feel love or romantic affection of any kind, including sex? - @ce54r

Jason X: Including sex? Well, that's simple. I'd kidnap baby Jesus and hold him for ransom until god let me have sex again. I've dealt with his kind before.

Question: "All husbands think they're gods. If only their wives weren't atheists..." (Kathy Lette from "How to Kill Your Husband (and other handy household hints). Discuss. - Fairywhispers

Jason X: Just because an atheist doesn't believe in God, doesn't mean He doesn't exist. And if your wife refuses to worship you, there are always other women who will. What Ms. Lette is probably referring to when she talks about "killing your husband," is actually killing your husband's hopes and dreams, which is what wives tend to be very good at doing. Not all wives, but you know who you are...   

No, I'm not a sex addict. The only problem I have with sex is that I can't get enough.

I believe sexual addiction is analogous to Santa Claus. Or the Easter Bunny. Or Heidi Montag. You get my point. They're fake and so is sexual addiction. Dr. Drew Pinsky doesn't agree with me, but he also believes giving a woman a facial is demeaning. Fuck, I could demean a woman having straight intercourse in the missionary position, if I wanted to. I don't need to Spackle her face to do it. On the flip side, goo face can be a beautiful part of a sexual relationship for both the man and the woman. 

It can also be very healthy for a woman. Cleopatra actually bathed in the semen of her slaves because it made her skin soft, healthy and shiny. Or so the myth goes. If it's good enough for a queen, I think Suzy Waitress, whom I picked up at BJs, can bathe in a little of my spunk without feeling demeaned. 

And by the way, are you really a doctor, Pinsky? Or are you a doctor like Dr. Phil is a doctor? Because he's a bullshit artist and a douche bag. According to Lindsay Lohan, Dr. Drew is NOT a real doctor because he called her a crack whore or something along those lines. Regardless, she's a celebrity and she's casting doubt about your credentials, so I think we should all question your qualifications and opinions on matters such as sexual addiction... Anyway, see what I did there? Discredit your opponent and you win. 

What do you look for, what do you value in a friendship with a person of the same gender as you? - Anonymous

Well, Gladstone got me laid by betting a girl she couldn't get me into bed because I was such a dedicated husband. That's a pretty good trait for a friend. 

What do you do when she is dry or you are sore? - LenaNemo

Applesauce. Works well as a lube and tastes great too.

Have you ever "Chucked a sickie"? - Fairywhispers

You mean if a girl is too sick from drinking to fuck? Yes. Or did you mean ditch work? The sex is great at work. I'd be crazy to ditch work. 

Truthfully - is everything you write on here real? Is this really your life or is this just the works of an overactive imagination? - BlognaSpotta

Yes, it's based on my experience, satirized. Although certain events are written exactly how they occurred. And certain characters are exactly how they are. Like Blair. Blair is Blair. The way her mind works is certifiably fucked up; no embellishment whatsoever. And her tits absolutely spy on me. 

No, but apparently what's difficult is tying a cherry stem into a knot with your tongue. If a woman can do that, I automatically want to have drinks with her after work sometime.

Why are you fucking my wife at work? Are you trying to get her fired?! We have mouths to feed. - @AnalystAlterEgo

I have mouths to feed too, and she happens to be one of them. And by the way, her mouth is spectacular. I can see why you married her.

If you had the possibility to have no moral, money or legal restaints for 24 hrs, under the knowledge you'd have no repercussions from it. What would you do in that space of time? - @Floramaria1

I'm pretty sure I do everything I want to do right now, regardless of repercussions. I'm sexually immoral, I waste company funds for personal entertainment and gain, and at any given moment I could be either fired or arrested for any number of these daily activities.

You regain consciousness naked in a strange room and handcuffed to a radiator. You see yourself in a shard of mirror and realize you have a mullet and a new tattoo of a mermaid fucking Captain Morgan. What events led up to this? - @jurgennation

Blair and Fiona the Cunt got pissed off at me and joined forces to fuck me over. They lured me with the possibility of a threesome, then drugged me, and there the fuck I am in your scenario or any number of other Saw-like situations. I frequently have this nightmare.

What was your all-time favorite television show when you were a kid? - @jurgennation

I didn't have a television set growing up. I was raised by penguins in the South Pole. To this day, I can't wear a tuxedo.

I've been told I taste like creme brulee with an after burst of Skittles (not sour, but regular). Except when I eat asparagus. Then the girl just spits it back on me with a disgusted look on her face. Not sure what I ate, but one day a girl told me that I tasted like waffles. And although she liked waffles, without the maple syrup, it just didn't seem complete.

I keep my balls clean-shaven so that women spend more time down there. Apparently they taste like coconut milk. This is mainly due to the fact that I dip my balls in coconut milk before meeting up with a girl. I heard it was a natural aphrodisiac for women. Not that you actually need one at the point they're sucking your balls, but again, it's all about getting them to spend more quality time down there. Sometimes I'll dip my balls in honey, sometimes in apple sauce. Depends on the mood and the girl. But watch out for the sweaty balls. Spur of the moment sex isn't always best for ball sucking.

What do you do about depression?  I find that I am depressed because my sexual activity has decreased significantly.. Obsession with Blow Jobs and having sex from behind.?  My boyfriend tells me that I am high maintenance and that I should take a chill pill... Is asking for sex once or twice a day unreasonable? - Carolyn

I'm no doctor, but I'm pretty sure the medical community recommends alcohol as a treatment for depression. Whenever I'm depressed, I do a couple of shots of tequila and I'm good to go. Well, until I start weeping, or telling everyone either I love you or fuck off. 

The main reason sex significantly drops off in a relationship is marriage. Although sex for me actually increased. It did, however, significantly decrease for my wife. 

If your boyfriend won't have sex with you, I'm sure you can find someone who will. I'm not advocating cheating; I'm just saying that if you have sex with someone who isn't your boyfriend, you'll have more sex than you have today. I'm no sex therapist, but I'm pretty sure they'd agree. 

That sounds an awful lot like I'm advocating cheating... But more importantly, why do you have a boyfriend if he's not giving you what you want? Ditch him. Tell him to chill alone.  

Dirtiest place you've ever done it? Or most public. With who? - Anonymous 

Dirtiest place: My boss' desk. Who knows what the fuck he does on that thing. Hopefully I got to his desk before Kessler. That'd make it dirtier than Patpong pussy darts. 

Most public: Could be anywhere. Tree sex, car sex, parking lot, open house, dressing room. The list goes on. And with who? Take your pick from the Users in my blog. Rarely do I get a private place with a nice soft bed.

The ass crack is a good place to start because you can do so many things with it. For example, you can do a luge body shot of tequila off the ass crack. Definitely an ice breaker when you meet a woman at a bar. That usually takes 8 - 10 regular tequila shots before a woman will agree to it though.  You can wedge an American flag in a woman's crack. Doesn't really do anything sexually for me, but it's very patriotic. Thong panties make it easy to control a woman by hooking your finger at the top of the thong just above the crack and twisting. It's like having the reigns of a horse. The more you pull, the more they obey. You can also play "talking ass" with the crack. Women are usually shocked by what their ass tells me to do. From there, it's a free-for-all.   

Are your nipples sensitive? Do you like them licked, nipped, sucked? Can you feel the attention I'm giving them right now? - Craving Cock

Are you sure you're not Craving Nipples?  I'm okay with it, but I'd prefer a woman to suck my toes. Especially after I've run a 10k. It shows real dedication. She does that, you know you can put just about anything in her mouth. 

Do you believe in love at all? Did you initially love your wife? - Bonny

Love is like Santa Claus or the Easter Bunny. Everybody says they're real, but who's actually seen them? I left cookies out for Santa this year and he didn't eat them. Granted, they were stale Oreos, but it's not like he could have known that without at least taking one bite. So maybe love is more like Oreo cookies. They seem yummy at first, but they always go stale and then there's nothing you can do about it. Well, except get new Oreos. So if love is like an Oreo cookie, then yes I believe in it. If it's like Santa, no I don't believe in it. And yes, I initially loved my wife because she tasted like a new Oreo cookie. 

Jason X: Yes, but only because I'm a very bad wingman. I like to assign random identities to myself when my friends start hitting on women. Not impressive identities meant to cock block; instead, deviant identities to see if I can throw them off their game. For example, I was out with Conklin and decided to be a former member of the Puerto Rican boy band Menudo. The girl had no idea who Menudo was and clearly wasn't impressed, so I continued to suck the life out of the conversation by Pauly Shore-ing up a storm. Conklin finally pulled her away and disavowed any knowledge of who I really was. But it was too late by then. I bought next round.

Other identities:

• Special Agent for the FDA
• Adult film actor Jack Mehoff in the gay porn industry (swearing I'm heterosexual, but that gay porn is where the money is)
• Kelly Ripa's personal assistant
• Janitor at a high school (hard to get a good job as an ex-con)

If my friends actually hook up with women while they're out with me, I'm very impressed. But it's rare. 

Question: Do you ever go skinny driving? - Corky

Jason X: I tried driving in the nude with a girl once, but we both kept grabbing the wrong stick shift. 

Question: What's the best way to bring a technology project in on time and on budget? - Daryl and Daryl

Jason X: The best way to do this is to complete the project before you even request the money. That way, you know exactly how much it will cost and obviously whatever timeline you give them, you'll meet. Once you get the project approved, you start charging time to that project while you work on the next one. This works very well for me. Except for those projects that don't get approved. I have to sell those to third parties online.

Jason X: I'm not sure. They didn't let me into the place where all the religious fags were standing around sucking each other's dicks, but instead sent me to the place where I'm hanging out with Dean Martin and Frank Sinatra. It's a fucking party 24/7. 

If the seats are all taken, there's always my lap.

Question: I heard a rumor that you faked your death. Are there Snuggies in the afterlife? - PanteraSnuggie

Jason X: The place I'm at doesn't even require a heater. It's plenty warm already. We lounge a lot by the pool. 

Question: Have you ever lost interest in fucking a girl in the midst of foreplay or while fucking her? If so, what did you do? - Anonymous

Jason X: Yes, several times. It's usually when her husband or boyfriend comes home early. Always results in coitus interuptus. The good thing is, women are very good about preparing for this moment. They prep their husband or boyfriend by talking about me before hand--this quirky I.T. guy. So I usually don't even have to run out the back. I'm just that nice technology geek who gave her a ride home from work. Oh, and I was just leaving...

Question: Do you ever think you'll write a book about your sexual adventures? - Anonymous

Jason X: I know I'll at least write a blog about it. I don't think I'll get a book deal until some angry husband or boyfriend actually tries to kill me. Hoping to get shot sometimes this year. 

Question: How long are you planning to be dead? - Fragileangel

Jason X: I was thinking just three days. But then I thought, a whole week and I blow Jesus' record out of the water. 

Jason X: Psyllium Husk. The ancient Greeks used this seed back in the day, and they ate a lot of ass. Keeps that colon nice and clean.

Question: What do you think of the movie Basic Instinct? - Anonymous

Jason X: There's only one memorable scene from that movie, and I think you know which scene I'm referencing. Yep, that's right. Michael Douglas is being interrogated and he crosses his legs. Not sure what all the controversy was about, but it was a poignant moment in the film. 

Question: What do you hope to accomplish in 2010? - Anonymous

Jason X: I plan to resurrect from the dead in 2010. Not like a zombie; more like a Jesus. Well, sort of an immoral Jesus. The kind who not only sits down for a meal with prostitutes, but maybe gets a blowjob under the table. And a lot less preaching. And a lot more turning water into wine and then wine into vodka. That's probably the most significant accomplishment I have planned for 2010. 

Question: What makes you blush? - Anonymous

Jason X: I blush when a woman shows me her tits. Wanna see? Take your shirt off and watch the blood rush to my head.