Latest Posts
Latest Comments

Enter your email address:

Delivered by FeedBurner

Blog Roll

I'm Jason X.

I work at a large Corporation where most of the people in management are insane.cliffsnotes2.jpg

I suppose that may include me. I tend cross the line of business ethics and morality all the time to test the waters and see just how far I can go without getting fired or even possibly killed. I have sort of a love/hate relationship with myself.

I'm a Manager in Technology. I'm married, but there are some issues at home that need to be resolved.

Until then, I fuck around with as many women at work as I can. These women are members of the User Pool. They are essentially my internal company clients who use the technology I provide to run their business.

You can take a look at the user profiles here.

Blair is my top user and she's a major bitch. But I'm obsessed with her. We also have a love/hate relationship. We have explosive arguments and explosive sex. I can't live without either.

Mulhausen is my boss. He's an idiot.

Triplet, the VP of HR believes I'm suicidal, mainly because someone saw me standing on the edge of the roof of our 34 story building one day and called the police. It was all a big misunderstanding, but as a result I have to call the Suicide Hotline daily, which is where I met Megan the Suicide Hotline Volunteer. She talked me down and I talked her into bed. 

And although Triplet believes I'm suicidal, she does not believe that someone is trying to kill me. I received an annonymous death threat from somebody after I found all but one lug nut had been taken off my rear right wheel in the parking lot. Pangbourn, the Sr VP of Marketing also believes someone is trying to kill him, but he's just paranoid.

For the company Holiday party, I had about five women lined up for the night and not one of them panned out. But I witnessed a Christmas miracle that night when Blendi the Virgin appeared out of no where like an angel of God and demonstrated how her body could be a virgin even though her mouth wasn't.

The User Pool is a little light these days. The most active are Blair and Athena the Lesbian, who really isn't a lesbian because she's not attracted to women. She's only a Lesbian because she's from the Greek Island of Lesbos. Even so, she got curious and decided to experiment at the Holiday party with Jane from Softlines who is a lesbian and who is attracted to women. So for a short time, Athena the Lesbian was actually a lesbian until she realized she really can't live without dick.   

I recently convinced everyone that someone had hired a consultant to act as the interim Director of Application Development. His name is Alan Smithee and he's my new boss. At first, everyone loved the new guy, even though nobody had met him (because he doesn't exist).

When I finally had to produce someone so that I could get out of a six hour training course on Outlook Calendar (trust me, it was the only way), I hired a porn actor named Nick Zima to play the part (he happened to be in the building shooting a porn for McKinney, the Network Manager who's come up with a solid business plan for 3D porn).

The actor did a great job, but returned the following week to resume the role without my consent. It felt so good to play a legitimate acting role (if you can call it that), he just had to keep it going.

And since he had me by the balls, how could I stop him? So I've been spending my time trying to figure out how to get rid of him without pissing him off, otherwise he'll tell Mulhausen I fooled everyone by creating an imaginary boss who signs expense reports and provides any other approval I need to circumvent the system.

I initiated my plan to turn everyone against Smithee, aka Nick Zima and it worked perfectly. He decided to quit the Jason X show. Unfortunately for me, he decided to leave a parting gift.  I thought it would be fun to start the rumor that Alan Smithee was murdered. Ha ha. A detective showed up and informed me that Nick Zima was actually murdered and I was a suspect, given the whole charade with Alan Smithee and my intention to get rid of him. Long story short, Nick was fucking with me. Right before I had a heart attack, he came clean. Not easy for me to be taken like that, so I have to hand it to the porn star. He's come a long way in the business world in a short amount of time.

Nick is gone, but does imaginary Smithee stay or go?  

By popular demand, imaginary Smithee stayed. As a result, I have the perfect boss.

Blendi the Virgin decided she no longer wanted to be a virgin. But I did not want to be "The One". So I figured Conklin could do us all a favor by having sex with Blendi the Virgin. She'd lose it, I wouldn't be "The One" and Conklin would get laid. Everyone wins.

Meanwhile, Conklin's slutty wife didn't like the fact that I was trying to hook her husband up with a virgin. She knows everything because Conklin tells her everything because Conklin is a pussy. But because he tells her everything, she also knows about Blair. And she threatened to tell Blair all about the other women I was seeing (interesting how the threat was to tell Blair rather than my wife).

I decided it was time to show the bitch who was boss by getting Conklin to murder his own slutty wife.

Conklin did have sex with Blendi and then became obsessed with her and then she avoided him because he became this real stalker weirdo. And then his slutty wife got all weird because he was all weird because he wasn't obsessed with her anymore. And of course, she blamed me. Which, technically, she was dead on.

Time for Conklin to murder his slutty wife.

I didn't really want him to murder his slutty wife. I just wanted her to think I convinced him to do it and show her that I had more power over her husband than she did.

Well, things didn't work out quite the way I planned. Or maybe things did. I'm still not sure. But bottom line is, Conklin's wife is dead. She's not dead because Conklin murdered her. He certainly tried, but she died in a freak accident before he could murder her. And although I'm sure he wouldn't have gone through with it anyway, she was dead just the same.

And for some reason he blames me for an act of God.