The Urinal Test
Monday, October 8, 2007 at 05:38PM Here's the situation: you walk into the Men's room at the office to take a piss. There are three urinals. A man is already pissing in the urinal at the far right, which leaves two available urinals to his left. Which of the two remaining urinals do you use?
The answer seems so obvious to me, and yet, every last male at this company fails the Urinal Test and chooses the middle urinal so that he can stand right next to me while I'm taking a piss.
It's not that I'm insecure about anything down there, but if given the choice, you are supposed to pick the furthest urinal from the man currently pissing. It's the unspoken rule. How can so many men in one place consistently fail this test?
I have a theory. The urinal to the far left is shorter than the rest. Why we have a kid urinal in a professional office building, I don't know. But the point is, I think people see the shorter urinal, and even though there's someone pissing in the urinal to the right, the immediate thought is, I'm not a little kid, so I'll piss in the middle urinal.
Guys, that's no excuse. We point and click. It doesn't matter if the urinal is down on the floor, we'll hit the spot. Don't stand next to me when I'm pissing if there's an available urinal further away from me. I'm not homo phobic, I'm not insecure; I just want a moment to myself, if at all possible, when I'm taking a piss. If the urinal to the left is taken, by all means, take the middle spot. I'll deal with it. Otherwise, back the fuck away, asshole.
Thanks for listening.
Reader Comments (3)
hows abouts you use the kids one then..
I'm an openly gay man, and I'm still creeped the hell out when people choose the urinal next to me, if there are other options around. I'm not insecure, either. Apparently, some people are just randomly comfortable with that sort of thing.
Good idea. However, it's right next to the stall, so with my luck, someone will pop in there and I'll be in a worse situation than before. Which may be another reason why people don't use that one...