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« The Intern is an Idiot | Main | Kun is a Racial Slur »
Friday
Nov022007

Kessler and the Multi-Purpose Copier

Kessler is a dick.

He's the Exchange Manager, responsible for email services. And he and the weasels he calls his staff are assholes. Being around these guys is like being back in high school. They're that clique of kids who were complete dicks to everyone. Always pulling pranks, always trying to make you look stupid.

For example, Norbury is a programmer in my group and an easy target. He's friendly, overweight, and a slow wit. The "floor leader" got a new bull horn for evacuation purposes, and Kessler knew Norbury would just have to try it if he saw it. So he put brown marker around the part you speak into. And as soon as Norbury saw it, he had to try it. He walked around with a brown circle around his mouth most of the day. He couldn't figure out why people were calling him a "kiss ass".

For the past few weeks, every time I see Kessler or one of his cronies, they look at me, shake their head, and simply say: "You dog..."

So I'm thinking, how do they know I'm a dog? They all have access to email, so maybe they've seen some of the highly unprofessional and unethical emails going back and forth between me and the users. I delete immediately and have instructed everyone else to do the same. But you never know what's going on behind the scenes. How stupid of me. Company email is NEVER PRIVATE.

I asked McKinney what Kessler knows about me. McKinney was confused. I asked him why Kessler and his staff kept calling me a dog. Now McKinney smiled, nodded his head. 

"You walked in on Kessler and Tami in the copier room," he said. "He had her bent over the copier. He figured he'd tell everyone you were a dog so that if you said he was a dog, nobody would believe you."

I don't remember walking in on Kessler and Tami. Which is very odd. I mean, how do you not notice two people fucking on a copier at work? But even though I apparently didn't notice anything, he assumed I noticed everything, because who can walk in on two people fucking on a copier at work and not at least notice something?

I wish I had the answer.

Even so, the more I thought about it, the more I thought: Kessler is a dick. But I'm starting to think we could be friends after all...

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