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« Everybody Loves Sushi | Main | How to Lose Your Job in 10 Days »
Friday
Dec072007

The Perfect Boss

I finally report to the perfect boss. Here are the main reasons Alan Smithee is the best boss ever:

  • He does not micro-manage my every move
  • He is not insecure about his own competence
  • He is not threatened by my competence
  • He does not base business decisions on mood swings
  • He is not an idiot
  • He is benevolent and fair
  • He is aggressive but not overbearing
  • He does not exist

I think that last reason is probably the most important reason he's the perfect boss. Or maybe he does exist because I exist, and reporting to myself is what makes my new reporting relationship so perfect. Either way, my new boss is perfect.

He has been answering email messages and accepting meeting invites all day. He does this mostly from his new Blackberry. Unfortunately he has already become so popular, he gets double-booked a lot. This frequently happens when he has a meeting with Mulhausen. So he sends me instead. Unfortunately, I can make no decisions for Smithee, nor can Mulhausen ask me to do anything without talking to Smithee first. It's the new protocol. I don't make the rules, I just abide by them.

Mulhausen has been communicating with Smithee via email, however, Smithee is a very busy man and frequently asks Mulhausen if he can get back to him. Which never actually happens.

Teri has been very busy juggling all of his activities, while at the same time handling my work. She is working very hard to impress her new boss, however, Smithee has taken the same approach I have with Teri. She is completely over qualified for the job, so to keep her engaged, he always leads her to believe that she is inept and wholly incapable of meeting his expectations. 

Teri is very frustrated, but completely committed to impressing him and until she does, she will stick with this job even though it's beneath her. Which, of course, is the plan. Good assistants are hard to keep.

Blair stopped by to meet the new Director. Unfortunately, he was not in his office. She was impressed by the family photos and the general feel of his office. She told me, maybe we can get some shit done around here for a change.  I told her that he was a very busy man and maybe she should shoot him an email message welcoming him aboard. You know, get on his good side.

I'm still waiting for that email. I'm sure she's wordsmithing it to death, but it should come shortly. I wonder how she'll react if Smithee flirts with her...

He's only been here a couple of days and look how popular my new boss has already become. Even my staff is talking about how perfect the new guy is.

I believe he'll be setting up a sushi lunch for the staff on Monday. Sort of a meet and greet. I say "sort of" because he won't be there. But it's the gesture that counts.

So what do you think? Could anyone have a better boss than me?  

Reader Comments (4)

hey,
I like your blog.
Nice work
:)

December 8, 2007 | Unregistered Commentermorgan

I would like a transfer.... MY BOSS stinks (like an old doughnut)

Please send a copy.

December 9, 2007 | Unregistered CommenterEric "Speedcat Hollydale"

Dude..this is awesome blogging. I am sooo hooked. Keep up the excellent work.

December 10, 2007 | Unregistered CommenterZaeeem

Ahhh, the beauty of working in IT! You could make just about anything happen=-)

December 12, 2007 | Unregistered CommenterGirl Geek

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