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SOX Lite

I would hate the SOX auditors if only Compliance would stop sending cute ones. Over the last year they've been replacing the older SOX hags with much younger, cuter, and more pleasant women. This, I believe, was done to create the illusion that SOX is somehow a desirable business activity.

I had a meeting with the SOX (Sarbanes-Oxley) Sr. Auditor from Compliance today regarding the process of approving time charged to projects by my staff.

Her name is Lissa. That's right. Double "S". I told her that her name was misspelled. She said, No, that's the way it's spelled. I said, No, there's only one "S" in "Lisa". She said, No, my parents named me "Lissa" with a double "S". I said, Then someone should tell your parents they misspelled it. Are they from the South?

Needless to say, we did not get off on the right foot.

This is my dilemma. She's cute, yet I'd rather antagonize her than flirt with her. I mean, I still want to meet with her because she's cute, but all I do is offend her.

SOX auditors are a pain in my ass. Therefore, I feel the need to make them suffer just as much as they make me suffer. That way, they spend as little time as possible with me. Everybody wins.

We met in my office. She asked me about the approval process... Now, the problem with the current approval process is that I have Teri, my assistant, approve everyone's time so that I don't have to. I'm absolutely sure this will not comply with SOX.

However, Teri is more qualified to approve the time than I am because she is more aware of how my staff and contractors spend their time than I am. I have asked her to keep tabs on everyone.

The good news is that she logs into the approval system with my ID and password so it looks like I am doing the approvals. SOX just needs an audit trail back to me, so technically I'm in compliance since my name is stamped on every approval. I.T. Security, on the other hand, may have an issue with Teri using my ID and password to log into the system. But that's a non-SOX topic...

"What do you look for when you approve time?" she asked.

"SOX should be concerned with controls that can clearly be identified with a paper trail," I said. "What goes on in my head is my business."

"I'd like to understand your thought process though. In case we need more controls," she said. "So in this case, what goes on in your head is my business too."

I gave her a look. "Are you positive you want to know what's going on in my head?"

Now the look I was giving her was a look that didn't require any explanation about the thoughts behind it. She knew exactly what I was thinking.

And she smiled.

Suddenly, I didn't want to antagonize her anymore. And suddenly, I don't think she wanted to make me suffer anymore. I may have actually made a connection with a SOX auditor. I mean, with all the shit I had been giving her, she should hate me. If she doesn't, and is actually attracted to me, that can only mean one thing...

This Sr. SOX Auditor is fucked up in the head and might make a great addition to my User Pool...

Reader Comments (6)

How ironic...SOX auditor who can't spell her name right.

October 26, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterTech Babe

There he goes hunting again...poor gal!

October 27, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterXaeem

Tech Babe: Yes, the lower the IQ, the better.

Xaeem: They love it just as much as I do. It's a win-win.

October 28, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterJason X

I love how even rolling snake eyes works out for you.

October 28, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterWinter

Another fucking hit. This is pure awesome. subscribed!

November 12, 2008 | Unregistered Commenterkeenahn

Welcome aboard!

November 12, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterJason X

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