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« Conklin's In-Laws | Main | Casual Friday »
Monday
Apr142008

Girl Scout Cookies

Just like Candy Bar Season, I've decided to compete with the parents by selling Oreo cookies. That'sjit14.jpg right. And not just ordinary Oreo cookies. But Double Stuff Oreo cookies.

Tefft immediately ran into my office when she heard the news and offered two boxes of Samoas for one package of Oreos. Her kid would be taking another loss.  

Mulhausen stopped at my office door with a couple of boxes of thin mints in hand and his mouth open ready to pitch me on helping support his daughter's pack or squad or coven or whatever they call themselves; then he saw the stack of Oreos on my desk for sale for $4.00 per package. I was making about a $1.25 profit AND still selling cheaper than the Girl Scout cookies.

Mulhausen grunted and went over to Tefft's office where he would again be disappointed.

Don't get me wrong. I like Girl Scouts. Especially when they grow up and become adults who like to dust off their old Girl Scout uniform from time to time and get freaky. But what I don't like are the parents peddling this shit to me at work. So I like to piss them off with a little healthy competition. This, of course, always lands me back in HR. Wasn't I just there last week?

Once again, employees complained that I was taking business away from their children, who, unlike myself, were apparently trying to raise money for a worthy cause.  

Triplet again tried using the "No competition conflict of interest" clause in the employee agreement we all have to sign upon employment. This apparently doesn't apply to the sale of Girl Scout cookies because the parents act as an agent for the Girl Scouts who never signed such an agreement and do not work for the company and therefore do not create a conflict of interest by selling the cookies. But I quickly pointed out that while our company may sell some form of candy as a consumer product, we do not sell cookies. She tried another tact:

"You are not allowed to make a profit at this company unless that profit is for the company. Personal growth and gain are strictly prohibited."

I immediately began advertising as a non-profit organization raising money for homeless marine animals that lost their shells during Katrina.  

People don't like me at this company. I sometimes wonder why...

Reader Comments (11)

Famous Amos chocolate sandwich cookies are significantly better than Oreos. Of course they lack the brand recognition among the masses of sheep, so your Oreos will sell better.

April 14, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterFishy5

I could use some cookies even at your markup. I got called in by HR today. Yeah, Oreos and a shot of bourbon. Yum. Good luck with the cookie sale. Girl Scouts irk the hell out of me.

April 14, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterWinter

And don't forget, it's Double Stuff Oreos. I'm not a big Oreo fan myself, but when I see Double Stuff, I gotta have some.

Bourbon. Mmmmmmmm. I wonder if I would get in trouble for selling alcohol at work?

Winter, what did you get sent to HR for?

April 15, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterJason X

Anything with a cream filling definitely beats out any box of Samoas and Thin Mints!

April 15, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterTech Babe

You'll love this... My blog.

April 15, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterWinter

Tech-Babe, you're a dirty girl... we like you so much...

Winter, really? That's crazy. But, also one of the reasons I'm anonymous with mine. Especially since I recount all the stuff that could not only get me fired, but probably arrested too...

April 16, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterJason X

The HR Manager is my friend. I didn't get in trouble. She just told to watch my back since there was a rat on the ship. I pulled the offensive rants and created a top secret private blog called Projectile Spewage where I reposted the rants and let a bunch of bloggers in as authors. LOL

April 16, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterWinter

Double Stuff Chocolate and the Oreo Mint. You'd make a killing.

Very glad I don't work with you. I'm starting to think like you.

March 2, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterdaNanner

daNanner: See? I'm not so bad....

March 3, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterJason X

First off, I am completely guilty of dusting off my girl scout uniform and wearing it to a school girls / nerds themed party. I had rainbow M&M cookies on me and it definitely got me laid. I had the pigtails (handlebars) and everything, haha. Secondly, Jason who the hell are these lazy fat fucks that you work with? They really can't get their own cookies? You have to sell it to them like a drug dealer so they can get their 3pm sugar rush? Thirdly, Pepperidge Farm Milanos trumps all of your cookie suggestions.

September 14, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterM

M: They take sugar like cocaine at my company. Need something to keep them going.

Girl Scout uniform? Just the kind of thing I like in a woman: playing dress up...

September 14, 2009 | Registered CommenterJason X

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