Aho Made Fun of Mai Ding
Thursday, April 17, 2008 at 04:21PM Aho made fun of Mai Ding today, and I get sent to HR.
Once again, I found myself down in HR sitting across the desk in front of Triplet, the VP of HR. She sat looking at me with a very disappointed look on her face for the longest time, shaking her head, judging me silently. And then, finally:
"It was brought to my attention," she began. "That you told someone today 'A ho made fun of my ding.' This is very inappropriate for the workplace."
"I agree," I said. "Aho should never make fun of Mai Ding at work."
"This happened at work?" she asked, shocked.
"Yes," I confirmed. "Right outside of my office."
"How did 'a ho' see your 'ding'? she asked.
"Not Yur Ding. Mai Ding," I said, correcting her. "Yur Ding has nothing to do with this."
Triplet stared at me for a moment, not quite sure what to say next. She took a moment to organize her thoughts and continued.
"What was 'a ho' doing in the building?" she asked.
"What do you mean? She works here."
"What's her name?"
"Aho."
"Okay, let's get something straight. If she works for the company, you should not be calling her a ho."
"But she is Aho. What else am I going to call her?"
"She is not a 'ho'. She's a human being who deserves respect."
"But so does Mai Ding. And she made fun of Mai Ding."
"What is your 'ding' doing out at work?"
"Yur Ding works here just like Mai Ding. They both have a right to be out at work. But remember, this has nothing to do with Yur Ding. We're talking about Mai Ding."
Triplet again paused. She took a deep breath and opened her mouth as if to speak, but then reconsidered and continued processing the conversation for a moment longer. Finally:
"Number one: there should be no discussion of any 'ding'," she said. "No one should be exposing a 'ding' or making fun of a 'ding'; we shouldn't ever see a 'ding' at work. Number two: no one at work should be called 'a ho' under any circumstance. Do I make myself perfectly clear?"
I agreed, though reluctantly, then went back to my office. I called Aho, Mai Ding, and Yur Ding into my office. I told Aho that because she made fun of Mai Ding, HR demanded that we call her something else. I suggested something German like "Ute". She said she'd think about it. I told Mai Ding and Yur Ding that they had to work remotely from home from now on because HR doesn't want to see them at work.
I don't give HR enough credit sometimes. Mai Ding will no longer be around, therefore Aho, I mean Ute, will no longer be able to make fun of her. Problem solved. Good job HR.
Reader Comments (3)
I gotta show this one to my friend Liz the evil HR manager. Heh.
Wow, Triplet is really racist. She should have to attend tolerance training. 0:)
Try keeping a straight face when addressing Long Dong, a Vietnamese DBA, or Ahsheet Puttapathy, an Indian developer...even HR couldn't keep a straight face so there was never an issue raised.