Patpong Pussy Darts
Thursday, May 29, 2008 at 12:39AM I was talking to the Finance lady from the Philippines yesterday on a break from our meeting. We were
eating some snacks and sipping coffee when she said:
"So, while you're in Bangkok, do you plan to go to the pussy show?"
"As a matter of fact," I said. "I do plan to go to the pussy show."
And we went last night to a place called Super Pussy in a part of town called Patpong.
I don't know what I was expecting, but the experience only lasted 10 minutes.
As soon as we walked in, we were surrounded by "women" in bikinis (note, the word women is in quotes). I immediately waved the shemales away, although some lingered near the young woodcock that was with us knowing he might be a little more naive to their ruse. That was actually quite entertaining...
I spent the first five minutes arguing with the "house mother" who tried to over charge me. Once I finally worked that out, we sat back to enjoy the show.
If you've never heard of this, Bangkok is famous for pussy tricks. For 300 Baht (about $10) and another 100 Baht for a beer, you get to watch a multitude of pussy tricks, including the most famous, shooting ping pong balls across the room. An extremely talented and robust pussy can shoot a banana about 15 feet. Other tricks listed on a flyer they handed us included:
- The smoking pussy (taking puffs from a cigarette and then blowing smoke out)
- The bottle opening pussy (opening a coke bottle, leaning back and "drinking" the contents completely, then standing up and emptying it back into the bottle).
- The razor pussy (pulling a string or razor blades out)
- The writing pussy (writing with an inserted pen)
- The birthday pussy (blowing out candles on a cake)
But we never got to any of those tricks. That's because they started the show with the dart-blowing pussy.
There were about six girls on stage whose expressions all resembled the extremely disinterested and unenthusiastic expression my wife dons during sex. They jiggled only slightly to the music, wore bikini tops, no bottoms. They needed to be free and clear down there.
We were sitting against the far wall. I knew there was trouble when one woman sat down opposite of us at the far end of the stage and they cleared everyone out of the way in front of us. I guess the house mother wanted to punish me.
The woman on stage spread her legs, inserted something and then suddenly shot a needle size steel dart all the way across the room toward us. I immediately jumped up and ran to the side, free and clear from the line of fire. But Fred, the older ex-sailor now data conversion expert, remained seated, unintimidated. The last time he had come through this part of the world, pussies shooting darts at him was the least of his problems.
I looked over and saw the woman taking aim again. This time, the dart flew upward, hitting the ceiling. She was locked and loaded in seconds; she fired the next one. I glanced over and there was Fred, sitting against the wall with a dart stuck into his forehead. He just laughed. I walked over to him, examined the dart sticking straight out of his forehead and said:
"That's it, I'm out."
Groping shemales, flying HIV needles, and women with wife attitude were not my idea of fun. Well, I wanted to be able to say I saw the show.
I saw the show.
Reader Comments (5)
You didn't stay for the full show!?!? I guess the forehead dart would have freaked me out too.Good call...I've seen the smoking and bottle trick on youtube and was quite fascinated.
Again, I feel like a virgin.
Glad you're having a blast!
Flying needles is a bit disconcerting. I've seen the smoking too. At first, it's fascinating, but after about a minute goes by, it just gets gross.
Jason X is a god. I bow down in worship of him (and to avoid the pussy darts).
jason x... who is satchel u. do I know her?
Satchel is male, not female. Only men think I'm a god and bow down in worship of me (and to avoid the pussy darts). Women sort of love me and hate me. Or love to hate me. Or hate loving me. Or, more likely, don't give a shit either way.
And by the way, everyone knows Satchel. So most likely you do too.