Conklin has a tummy ache.

Conklin's dead slutty wife's evil sister Fiona the Cunt did call the police and the police did say a detective would get back to her.

Conklin has been very upset ever since. Which is why he's been eating too many black olives. When Conklin gets upset, he usually calms himself down by smoking an American Spirit. Unfortunately, he recently quit smoking. Fortunately, eating black olives seems to have a similar calming effect, although not quite as satisfying. Unfortunately, eating too many black olives makes him sick to his stomach.

Personally, my preference would be green olives, because that reminds me of drinking a martini, which would calm me down if I were upset.

"Why aren't you upset?" Conklin asked. "She called the cops."

"We didn't kill your slutty wife," I calmly said. "The truck did."

"Failing to kill someone is still a crime. It's called Attempted Murder."

"Conklin," I said. "When are you going to learn to trust me?"

Conklin should never learn to trust me. If he learns one thing in this life, it's that he should learn to never learn to trust me. Some people can trust me and it works out just fine; but when Conklin trusts me, it always works out badly.

The problem with Conklin is that he always does learn to trust me sooner or later. And as soon as he does, things go badly. This time, he chose not to trust me, which means things will go well. As soon as he sees things go well, he'll learn to trust me again and things will go badly again. It's the Conklin circle of life.

Conklin's dead slutty wife's evil sister Fiona the Cunt stopped by my office while Conklin and I were talking. Acting much like her dead slutty sister, she taunted us.

"I spoke to the detective," she said. "He said he'd be here around this time."

"Your dead slutty sister was run over by a truck," I said. "What's he going to do? Arrest the truck?"

"I have evidence there was more to it than that," she said confidently.

Conklin sat in his chair rubbing his stomach.

"I have photos of you and Dickhead here right before the accident," she said and held up a CD. "It shows exactly what you were trying to do."  

Conklin's stomach hurt even more based on the very pained look on his face. It certainly was an interesting turn of events. Did this revelation have the same sickening effect on me as it had on Conklin? Not exactly...  

There was a tap at my door and Teri stuck her head inside.

"Jason, there's a detective here to see you," she said.

Conklin grabbed his stomach again with one hand and gave a clump of hair a yank with the other.

Conklin's dead slutty wife's evil sister Fiona the Cunt smiled and licked her upper lip like she just set the gang bang world record. Teri moved aside, the door opened, and there was the detective.

"Good afternoon," he said. "I'm Detective Curran."

Ah, yes, porn star Rob Jackhoff reprising his role as that tenacious asshole Detective Curran. Conklin immediately relaxed and stopped rubbing his stomach and yanking his hair.

Right after Conklin's dead slutty wife's evil sister Fiona the Cunt made the call to the police, I had someone in Telecommunications (Marie, the person who introduced me to Comm closet blowjobs) forward all of the cunt's phone calls to Teri's phone. If it was a call for Mulhausen, she transferred the call back to Mulhausen's line where the cunt could pick it up. Teri continued to do this until the real detective called. Teri then said she was Conklin's dead slutty wife's evil sister Fiona the Cunt and had heard a rumor that the husband was involved in the accident somehow. The detective laughed and said, No, a truck killed your sister. She pretended to be satisfied and hung up. 

Then I gave my good friend Nick Zima a call and arranged to have Rob Jackhoff come back and pretend to be a real actor again. You could tell how much he loved this.

"On the phone, you said you had evidence of foul play," he mumbled as he eyed Conklin and me with suspicious eyes.

Conklin's dead slutty wife's evil sister Fiona the Cunt produced the CD which also apparently had the video of Conklin deflowering Blendi the Virgin.

Rob Jackhoff grilled us for a little bit in front of the cunt for show, then said he would go back to his office and examine the evidence.

I haven't seen it yet, but we're getting together later to check it out. Who does she think she is? I'm Jason fucking X. You can't beat me...