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Satire, Humor, Office Politics, whiteboard
Satire, Humor, Office Politics, whiteboard Thursday
17Jul
Whiteboard Etiquette
Thursday, July 17, 2008 at 05:01PM
In Technology, a whiteboard is like a dick: size matters. 
The larger the whiteboard, the more important you seem and the more attractive you are to women in Technology. If it's big, they always want to touch your whiteboard. But they're intimidated by it because they know if they put something on it, there will be a lot of exposure. So it better be good.
If your whiteboard is small, you're obviously responsible for very little in the organization and therefore undesirable.
The more diagrams and bullet points you have drawn on the whiteboard, the more overworked everyone thinks you are. So you need a lot of space. Large content translates to high performance. Size and performance always matter.
I have a very large white board.
While most people use their whiteboards for drawing boxes that point to each other, I like drawing different renditions of my staff.
For example, when Maharajapuram broke his leg hiking, I drew him breaking his leg off with blood spewing in all directions. A little much, but I figure I should have the artistic license to elaborate a little in order to maximize the entertainment value for my audience.
I also like to list out potential users for the user pool as if they're people I need to contact for a project or something. I can reference my whiteboard often to keep my eye on the ball, so to speak.
One thing I don't like is when people write "Don't erase" on whiteboards in conference rooms. If you have to keep something for a day so that you have time to copy it down, I'll let it go. But if I see that note on a whiteboard for more than a day, I erase it--whether I need the whiteboard for a meeting or not. I, of course, leave the "Don't erase".
Other things you should NOT do with a whiteboard:
- Use a Sharpie, especially on your boss's whiteboard (unless he's not in the room at the time).
- Use it to write out code; code is an eyesore, I hate looking at it.
- Write things like "Blendi stopped by!! XXOO". Because before you get back, Blair stops by too and leaves the message: "You're dead."
- Draw pictures of naked women (unless it's on your boss's whiteboard and he's not in the room--and you're using a Sharpie).
- Use as a wakeboard; warps it and washes off the latest diagrams.
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Reader Comments (6)
I don't have a whiteboard. I have a corkboard. I am so the fucking doormat at my office despite, once again, fixing their website code and adding images. *sigh*
there's always hang man or I like drawing complicated architecture diagrams and labeling each component with meaningless acronyms. Makes it look like I'm working on extremely complex, yet very important shit. People walk into my office, see me staring at my whiteboard perplexed, and say they'll just come back later because they don't want to wreck my flow. They never do...
BTW, used to be one of those "don't erase" people. But now with my new iphone, I can just snap a picture and the resolution is fucking awesome!
I was in the mall shopping for a picture frame for a relatively close friend of mine. She had just come home from her honeymoon and we were getting together this coming weekend to catch up and look at her photos . As I was walking into the store I made eye contact with her husband, surprisingly he approached me and we began speaking to one another. Now, I had only met him about three or four times before because after they met she stopped seeing many of her friends as with most new relationships. It was a brief dating period for them, in fact, they were married within five months of meeting each other. He was very pleasant, in fact he was overly nice and was leading into conversations that were making me feel a little uneasy. He started asking personal questions about my relationships and made an inquiry about me going out with a newly married man and how he could really show me a good time. He asked for my cellphone number and would not stop until I gave in, "WHAT A FOOL I AM" Now I don't know what to do, I can't tell my her because it will end my friendship for sure and I can't possibly go to her home and pretend this didn't happen. I confided with another close friend of mine and she told me about this site http://urajerk.com/ At first I thought is was just another one of those sites that pop up here and there but I checked it out. I must say I like it and thats why I am spreading the word. I was able to send him a few cards with some personal anonymous messages, he will know they are from me, but no one else will. I love this site because I can at least tell him that he is a F#%//ng JERK. Has anyone else gone through this crap before? How can men be such assholes? I mean JERKS!!!
Yo Jason X !
Are you still alive, how come we haven't heard from you in a while ?
Liking the new Layout and colors, Jason.
I know you're too good to have let Fiona the Cunt get to you.
Mulhausen is far too stupid to have unveiled your web of control - lies and deception.
Did Blair find you with another woman? women? She cant remotely install Whrrl on your phone... can she?
Maybe your wife did??
In some sick way we need you to stive off the drudgery of our own corporate bullshit.
Where are thou Jason X?