Tuesday
05Aug
Jason Lives!
Tuesday, August 5, 2008 at 06:25PM I have not been MIA for the last couple of weeks for any of the following reasons:
- Conklin's Dead Slutty Wife's Evil Sister Fiona the Cunt finally got the best of me and I now lie cold and dead in a shallow grave out in the woods.
- Blair found out I not only cheated on her with my wife, but also with about 15 other women at work
- Mulhausen finally snapped and went postal on my ass because I spend most of my time with him either usurping his authority or mocking it
- Fashingbauer blames me because he can't quit his job and decided that murder would get him out for sure (although not a bad idea because I'm sure it would get him out of this job, but I'd rather he murder someone other than me).
- I finally couldn't take this corporate bullshit anymore and decided to jump off the top of the building.
- The anonymous death threat finally came to fruition.
- I died in a fake fire during a fire drill.
Reader Comments (6)
Good to hear from you Jason, you had us worried there...
I wasn't really worried. Just a bit less entertained. Your death wouldn't affect my life in any meaningful way, so either way *shrug*. But welcome back!
The same as Fishy5, but I wouldn't be able to tell someone to use powertools.
Welcome back.
No one ever said you couldn't take a vacation from the internet. Welcome back!
I wasn't worried...just figured you might be tied up in Bangkok again at some pussy show that, perhaps, met your expectations this time around! But just like the rest of your fans...WELCOME BACK!
FEED US JASON!!!
I didn't think anyone would notice that much. True that. I mean, I agree that if my absence gets more than a shrug, there might be something wrong with you. Even if the reason is death. But it was not because of death (obviously). Very opposite. I'll write something about it today...