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« The 800 Pound Gorilla | Main | I Lasted a Week »

Blair and Me

Friday night I'm set to have drinks with Athena the Lesbian.

Blair is set to have drinks with Szymanski.

I'm sitting at my favorite Irish Bar with a dirty martini (I know, not very Irish...) waiting for Athena the Lesbian and I get a text from Blair:

We have to talk.

What the fuck?

I text back:

What for?

She texts back:

Meet me at our spot.

Our "spot" is a tiny Mexican place that has very little lighting. I'm a half hour early to meet with Athena the Lesbian, so I figure I have a little time. My first mistake. I know that if I spend 1 minute with Blair, I'm done. But I rationalize. Because there's always the possibility that within a minute, she can piss me off so badly that I'll walk out with the intention to never see her again (ha ha).

I show up at our spot, sit down across from her and order a Margarita. The only thing I say is:


She's wearing a tight, low cut white top that brings out her very defined cleavage. I immediately know what her intentions are. She says:

I can't stop thinking about your dislocated shoulder.

So I'm thinking, another sympathy fuck? I say:

What about Szymanski?

She laughs. She says:

I was just using him to get to you. 

I say:

You feel sorry for me? I don't need a sympathy fuck.

She smiles. That's rare for Blair. But when Blair smiles, I'm a fucking dead man. She said:

No. You're arm in a sling has gotten me so turned on at work, I can't think straight. I can't explain it, that's just the way it is.

Alright everyone. You want a good excuse for why I caved in on Friday? I don't have one. There is no good reason I can't break it off with Blair. Ever. It's similar to the latest Batman movie. Joker needs Batman and Batman needs Joker. I forget the fucking lines, but Joker nailed it. The only difference is, when things come to a head, the climax for us is sexual, not violent. And it is the best fucking climax you can imagine.

I fucked Blair senseless on Friday night.

There is no way out and I should stop thinking there is.

Reader Comments (8)

Just like heroin...definitely, heroin.

September 16, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterTech-Babe

And what about Athena? Well, you might have lost this fuck for now.

September 17, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterPaul

Yeah, she's pretty pissed off. But I piss them all off on a regular basis and they all keep coming back.

September 17, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterJason X

Ugh J- I think I dated a guy like you in University once.
Totally bad and inconsiderate blah blah- and yet I kept going back...

September 17, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterPrincess of the Universe

I totally buy your explanation dude...I have been through this!

September 17, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterXaeem

We are all happy you stopped lying to yourself. Shit like that is unhealthy.

September 17, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterNnamdi

Princess: It's a quirk you find in a lot of women. But it works for me....

Xaeem: Yeah, it's beyond my control at this point. Maybe that'll change down the road. Haha. Nah...

Nnamdi: I only stopped lying to myself about this particular issue. I still lie to myself. I'm still unhealthy.

September 17, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterJason X

I'm just fascinated at how they all come back to you like little pussy boomerangs. Makes me wonder what exactly what kinda snake is hiding in your trousers. LOL

September 18, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterWinter

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