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us·er pool [yü-zer pül] 

In the world of technology, a User is someone who uses a computer. More specifically, it's someone who asks stupid questions about the use of that computer.

In the context of this blog, a Pool refers to an available supply, the use of which is shared by a group.

At one of the largest entertainment companies in Los Angeles, my job is to provide technical direction and support to these users, many of whom are female. That's where things get a little messy...

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Entries in cock block (2)

Monday
Jan102011

Tabbatha

I had drinks with Tabbatha last Wednesday night because my dick told me that I should. My brain told me that I shouldn't, so I compromised by having drinks with her, but inviting my own cock block: Maharajapuram, my Inidan programming lead. 

I invited Maharajapuram for drinks specifically because he does not drink. If you're going to invite your own cock block out for drinks, you need to make sure he doesn't become a whiskey dick or he's not gonna block anything. 

On the other hand, I decided to drink like crazy so that I wouldn't be able to do shit. The more I wanted to have sex with Tabbatha, the more I drank. But the more I drank, the more I wanted to have sex with Tabbatha. And the more I drank, the more she drank. And the more we both drank, the more obnoxious we became and the more Maharajapuram wanted to leave. 

In fact, at one point, I looked away from Tabbatha and saw that Maharajapuram was gone. Long gone. And I also noticed that my finger was inside Tabbatha under the table. My entire plan was a huge failure.

We stumbled back to the office, showed the sercurity guard our IDs, said we had some work to do. He sighed and continued reading his mag. 

We then had sex on the couch in my office. Well, sort of sex. I could barely perform. Barely function. But I pulled it off when I finally managed to get my uncooperative dick inside her. Sex with Tabbatha lasted about 10 seconds. 

Thursday night I had sex with Knipples again, but this time when she fell asleep because of her Sexolepsy, I just closed my eyes and pretended I was fucking Tabbatha correctly this time. When Knipples orgasmed, she woke up and screamed "Holy fucking shit!" and then thanked me for fucking her so well while she was asleep. 

Both women want sex again. Knipples, because it's the best sex she's ever had asleep and Tabbatha because it was the worst sex she's ever had awake. I can't win. 

Tuesday
Aug122008

The Cock Block

According to www.ubersite.com, a "Cock Block" is: 

The means at which one individual prevents the sexual conquest of another individual by word, action or motive and acts accordingly to prevent sexual intercourse between the fucker and the fuckee.

Maricruz works for a French-Canadian named Faudeux who happens to be both a dickhead and a major cock blocker. 

He has most likely tried and failed to dip his own pen into her company ink, and therefore now feels it his duty to also make every other man fail who attempts the same.

So as I was talking to Maricruz in her cube, Faudeux kept interrupting as if he needed to discuss business with her. I patiently waited until he ran out of fabricated business issues, then he went back to his office until he was able to fabricate more. He did this several times.

Faudeux is only a manager. However, he believes I'm a director because I have a couch in my office. Only directors get couches. I only have a couch because Emily the Facilities manager also believes I'm a director. She believes this because she counted my ceiling tiles in the last office I had, and since only directors have that many ceiling tiles, she assumed I must be a director. Ironically, I was moved out of my office because I had more ceiling tiles than I deserved because I am not a director.

Fortunately, the couch still moved with me.

I say "fortunately", because that is the exact location I was planning to fuck Maricruz. Unfortunately, I've been cock blocked by dickhead. 

The next time I stopped by to talk to Maricruz, I knew I had been fucked over immediately.

"Who's Blair?" she asked.

"Blair? Blair who?"

"I heard there was something going on between you two," she said.


That little French-Canadian cock-blocking fucker.

Well, a momentary delay. Nothing that can't be remedied.

I just need a plan. A cock blocker block plan.