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us·er pool [yü-zer pül] 

In the world of technology, a User is someone who uses a computer. More specifically, it's someone who asks stupid questions about the use of that computer.

In the context of this blog, a Pool refers to an available supply, the use of which is shared by a group.

At one of the largest entertainment companies in Los Angeles, my job is to provide technical direction and support to these users, many of whom are female. That's where things get a little messy...

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Entries in sex in the office (5)

Monday
Jan102011

Tabbatha

I had drinks with Tabbatha last Wednesday night because my dick told me that I should. My brain told me that I shouldn't, so I compromised by having drinks with her, but inviting my own cock block: Maharajapuram, my Inidan programming lead. 

I invited Maharajapuram for drinks specifically because he does not drink. If you're going to invite your own cock block out for drinks, you need to make sure he doesn't become a whiskey dick or he's not gonna block anything. 

On the other hand, I decided to drink like crazy so that I wouldn't be able to do shit. The more I wanted to have sex with Tabbatha, the more I drank. But the more I drank, the more I wanted to have sex with Tabbatha. And the more I drank, the more she drank. And the more we both drank, the more obnoxious we became and the more Maharajapuram wanted to leave. 

In fact, at one point, I looked away from Tabbatha and saw that Maharajapuram was gone. Long gone. And I also noticed that my finger was inside Tabbatha under the table. My entire plan was a huge failure.

We stumbled back to the office, showed the sercurity guard our IDs, said we had some work to do. He sighed and continued reading his mag. 

We then had sex on the couch in my office. Well, sort of sex. I could barely perform. Barely function. But I pulled it off when I finally managed to get my uncooperative dick inside her. Sex with Tabbatha lasted about 10 seconds. 

Thursday night I had sex with Knipples again, but this time when she fell asleep because of her Sexolepsy, I just closed my eyes and pretended I was fucking Tabbatha correctly this time. When Knipples orgasmed, she woke up and screamed "Holy fucking shit!" and then thanked me for fucking her so well while she was asleep. 

Both women want sex again. Knipples, because it's the best sex she's ever had asleep and Tabbatha because it was the worst sex she's ever had awake. I can't win. 

Wednesday
Jan052011

More Employee Relations

I was all prepared today to come up with an excuse not to have drinks with Tabbatha tonight. In fact, I came up with a whole list to choose from: 

  • Sick grandmother (oldie but a goody)
  • Smithee, my imaginary boss, is making me work late
  • I was bitten by a bat and need to go get a rabies shot
  • I have to go home because I forgot to set my DVR to record People's Choice Awards
  • I have AIDS
  • Zombie Apocalypse

But when she walked into my office this morning, she didn't look like sweet Tabbatha. She looked like sexy slutty office worker who wants to be treated like a farm animal. 

Usually, she wears conservative business attire. You know, the button down white shirt with only the top button undone; slacks or maybe a long skirt; medium heels. 

But today, she had on a top that revealed cleavage--cleavage I didn't even know she had. She's got some sort of Victoria's Secret push-up/padded, here's-my-tennis-ball-tits-in-your-face kind of bra on under that tight black and white top. She was also wearing a black skirt above the knees with a pair of spiked heels that I could only imagine digging into my back while I nail the fuck out of her. 

"Still on for tonight?" she asked. 

"Definitely," I said without one millisecond of hesitation. 

That whole list of excuses was suddenly torched and discarded, and the don't-fuck-your-employee policy was immediately amended to be the fuck-the-living-shit-out-of-your-employee policy. 

She left my office and I just sat there trying to figure out what just happened. Regardless, looks like I'm having drinks with sweet, possibly slutty, Tabbatha tonight. But I'm sure nothing will happen... 

Monday
Jan032011

Employee Relations

What's worse than having sex with someone who works for you? Having sex with two people who work for you. It's not an ethical issue (for me); it's a question of complication. It's complicated enough having sex with the Users. 

Knipples still wants me to have sex with her, even though she falls asleep every time we start having sex. And even though she never knows we're having sex because of her Sexolepsy, she thinks it's the greatest sex she's ever had.

But when I have sex with Knipples, it feels like date rape or necrophilia. Which would be fine if I were into either one of those things. But I'm not, so it's very difficult for me to have sex with her even though I'm the best sex she's ever had asleep.

The other issue is that she works for me. I swore I would never have sex with anyone who worked directly for me. But since she's asleep during sex, it's as if I never did it. Which makes it almost worth doing again, except for the fact that the reason I can fuck my own employee is the same reason I cannot fuck my own employee.  

Tabbatha is also a direct report. She's very cute, but I'm not attracted to her because she's too sweet for me. Which is why I felt safe asking her if she wanted to have a drink with me after work sometime. She accepted the invitation for drinks which is why I can no longer have a drink with her after work sometime. Nobody that sweet has drinks with me after work. And if she's not really that sweet, I'll become attracted to her and try to have sex with her. 

In summary: I can have sex with Knipples because she sleeps through it, which is also the reason I can't have sex with Knipples. I can have a drink with Tabbatha because she's so sweet, but only if she refuses to have a drink with me. Since she didn't refuse to have a drink with me, so I can no longer have a drink with Tabbatha. 

I'm supposed to have a drink with Tabbatha tomorrow night and have sex with Knipples on Thursday night. I need to get out of both situations. What happened to the good old days when I used to just fuck the clients?

Friday
Oct172008

The Green Mile

I'm scheduled to go in for my vasectomy at 3:00. Regardless, I took the whole day off. You have to mentally prepare for a thing like this.

Worked out well also, since I was drinking last night and having sex with Blair in the office until late.

That's right. Sex with Blair in the office. Previously, Blair had been adamantly against sex in the office. I believe fear of losing her job had something to do with it. However, last night after drinks, I told her I had to go back up to the office to send a couple email messages that had to go out before morning.

Once we were in my office and she realized the floor was deserted, she started getting ideas. It helps that alcohol impairs good judgement, however, in a situation like this, it's best to let Blair come up with the idea. If she's against doing something, the only way to get her to do it is to let her come up with the idea herself.

And even though I have a couch in my office, she wanted it on the desk.

Good girl.

We did eventually make it to the couch, but that was after I had her plastered up against the window, tits pressed up against the cold glass, looking down at the city. That really turned her on.

We left around midnight. It was a very good last supper...

An now here I sit awaiting my moment to walk the Green Mile.

Alright, so I've been a little overdramatic about this whole cutting into my balls things. But hell, it's my goddamn balls.

I'll let you know how it all turns out...

Wednesday
Oct152008

Cleaning the Pipes

I've been cleaning the pipes today in preparation for Friday's out-patient surgery

That means, lunch with Lucia at the park and tree sex. That was interesting right in the middle of the day. She was wearing a skirt and the bark scratched up her ass. Good luck explaining to Alan, the love of her life.

Blendi the Unvirgin had to give my balls a good-bye kiss in the car in the garage this morning. Even though she's not a virgin anymore, she's still sweet and gives the best blow jobs ever.

Zenda the Persian, a.k.a. the Office Slut, actually had sex with me on my desk this afternoon. That's what Office Sluts do; they have sex with multiple people in the office and in multiple offices. Hmmm. That sounds familiar. Oh, wait. I'm a guy. Never mind...

Tonight I have Athena the Lesbian. She wants to give my balls a going away party. I assured her that they weren't going anywhere. She said, sure they're not and gave me that you poor man in denial look. This is not castration. It's a simple out-patient procedure. Everything remains intact.

Right?

Well, in case it doesn't, I'm sure getting in as much as I can while I can. I hope I have enough "stamina" for Athena the Lesbian after a full day of exertion.

Blair is set for tomorrow night. She thinks I'm doing this for her--so that she doesn't have to worry about these false alarms. But I'm actually doing it for myself so I don't have to worry about her making shit up just to freak me out. She knows she's not pregnant when she announces the possibility, that little fucking bitch.

We'll have a beautiful night together.

Since she believes I'm cutting into my balls for her, she'll act like I'm all sweet and shit--and fuck me like a banshee.

So overall, I'd have to say this is better than sympathy sex. Or is it sympathy sex?

Since I lost the sling, sympathy has dwindled. Sex hasn't, but the sympathy has.

Well, I guess it's about time for Athena the Lesbian.

Here's to you, balls.