Valentine-Schmalentine
Tuesday, February 12, 2008 at 07:33PM 
Don't send me flowers unless they're wild flowers and on any other day except Valentine's Day. Yup, it's that time of year again fellas. Where all the women at work come in and do nothing but compare the size and selection of the floral arrangement they just received. I absofuckinglutely hate Valentine's Day. It's a 'bitch-made' occassion intended to make men feel obligated to do something nice for their love interest. And most men will fall for the propaganda for three reasons:
- to get laid
- to get laid some more
- to not get bitched out by the wife, girlfriend, girlfriend's friend, etc...
I mean really, men do not get a rise out of dropping green for long stem roses or going into a local chocolatier to hand-pick rich, indulging, chocolate pieces; unless they're a pussy. And who needs another one of those when we've got one of our own? Nor do they really want to go to Victoria's Secret to pick out lacy/silk lingerie--no, well, they might like that, but only so that they can play dumb ass and ask one of the hot retail chicks to try something on for them since they appear to be the same size of the intended recipient (never the case).
Then there's the outting and dinner part that men never get right, by the way. You can only hope you don't fuck that up and piss her off somehow someway or else you don't get laid later.
MEN: I'M ON YOUR SIDE HERE! DON'T SET YOURSELVES UP!
But if you must, here's a tip:
Fuck her before all the festivities begin. And do it under the direction of Kid Rock...Fuck her like you're never going to see her again!
That way, you get laid, and depending on how well you performed, you'll likely get to do it again later, even if you screw up the evening. Why? She would have just had a crazy orgasm that should keep her in a hot horny mood for at least a couple hours. Hell, and if you're lucky, she might be too tired to step out and you can continue fucking the rest of the night. So timing is everything too.
I hope this helped. Let me know how you all make out fellas.
Happy Fuck Fest 2008!!!
Reader Comments (16)
wolf whistle. HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!! happy wendesday!
Well stated Tech Babe. LOL;)
hilarious!!!
I couldn’t agree more! My wife and I have a deal, no flowers, candy or anything ON valentines day, but nice stuff a week or in this case a few days later when the vendors are not raping us any more…
Letting it all hang out, huh.....WOW!
interesting article... i think i know u? haha
Oh man, you crack me up girl!!!!
That is hilarious!
Amen!!!!
That is friggen hilarious! But sadly, I get no flowers nor do I get any cockadoodledo tomorrow, heh so yeah, I'm pretty UPTIGHT! HEH
F&*^& flowers. I say mexican food and tequila is much more fun.
I agree, Kap. Much more fun. And I don't need Valentine's day to do it. Any day you can get a babe drunk on tequila is a special day...
hahaha funny!!!
great article!
Well the good news about tomorrow is it's Happy Hour Thursdays. So, chips n' salsa...check...tequila shots...check, check...a mexican donkey ride after...check, check, check...Yeah, I'm good!
Thanks for all the comments everyone! Keep 'em coming!
THis is great. I love that you are doing this. You are cracking me up!
great article!