Where's My Boss?
Wednesday, February 20, 2008 at 07:55PM 
Something’s definitely up. My boss has been M.I.A. for 5 days now. Not that I need to know where he is 24x7, but it’s just odd that he became missing right after an emergency all-hand’s staff meeting we had last Tuesday.
Highlights of the meeting were as follows:
- WGA Strike is Over! (Yay!)
- Budget cuts (more?)
- Additional head count reduction (shit…again!)
- Division re-org (3rd one since the start of the new fiscal year)
I should have known there couldn’t have been anything good coming out of this meeting when the subject line of the meeting invite read:
“DOING MORE WITH LESS!”
I took my position in the front of the room, slightly juxtaposed to my boss. He likes me within 2 feet away from him during these types of meetings so that I can play cheerleader and validate any message he is trying to convey. But the real reason he keeps me close is to divert the attention of the Dilberts, Wild Hogs, and Woodcocks, so that they are no longer concerned with the bad news being delivered and more concerned with picturing me naked at the next Happy Hour…not going to happen. Anyway, I wasn’t prepared. He usually has a review meeting with me and his other directs first so that we, the management team, could all be on the same page. None of us were! We just went through a grueling series of budget meetings and budget reassessments and we’re having to cut again? (This is bigger than what any invitation to BJ’s could cure.) Ok, now I can say…WE’RE FUCKED!
The attendees left the meeting expressionless. Well, a few wore smirks but it was hard to tell if it was because of the ice cream and root beer floats that was provided or were they still trying to picture me naked? Doesn’t matter…it’s neither here nor there.
What matters is, my boss is missing! He can’t deliver a message like that and then just disappear! I’m very concerned. Sure, there’s the whole humanitarian level of concern, “hope he’s ok,” “hope his family’s ok,” blah, blah, blah… But the greater concern is how this is interfering with and negatively impacting my life! Since he’s been missing, I’ve been picking up his slack! No time for mid-day facials and manicures…I’ve developed a couple of blemishes already!!! And have you seen my nails?!?!
Where the fuck is he? Was he part of the new “re-org” plan? Maybe he was one of the headcount reductions…hmmm, and his LinkedIn profile shows that his most recent connections have been recruiters and executive search firms. Son of a bitch! That fucker's interviewing!
I’m putting a search party out, just in case.
Reader Comments (6)
It's usually a holiday and two hour lunches when mister bossman is gone for me. You check the strip club? I remember the SAVVIS Vice President who spent 350,000 of the company's credit card at a strip club in NY.
Sounds like Dinton. Is senior management becoming aware of the fact that your boss does absolutely nothing? When someone isn't good at pretending to be doing something important when they're really doing nothing, and people become aware of it, they sometimes resort to desperate measures and disappear. As long as they can always never be found, people will begin to believe they're busy doing something important.
what do you look like naked? I mean, good luck with the search party, hopefully you'll find your boss soon so you can get back to cheerleading!
Soupnum5 - good idea on the strip club thing. I may just have to check it out;p
Jason X - Sr. Mgmt is so oblivious to this. And he's obviously NOT doing anything, which is why I, all of a sudden became overly busy! One of the advantages of working in an org w/ multiple sites is exactly that. No one ever knows where you're at. Just like today, decided to skip the office to get my long overdue manicure. But everyone else thinks I'm not around becuase I'm too busy w/ my stuff and now my MIA Boss's stuff. Now that I think about it, this might not be such a bad thing.
Nudge - how do I look naked? Well, I'm already practically naked in the photo above...not much to leave for your imagination=P
He got canned and they just didn't tell you. Probably because they don't have a replacement yet. You said it yourself. You're going through budget reassessment. They're cutting the dead weight. Heck, maybe they just cut his position altogether. Maybe there is no replacement. Watch out. You may be next.
"Dead Weight" I am Not. So, I'm not too worried. While I'm all about crazy antics and organizing my days to satisfy personal desires, I actually do kick-ass. But you're right Ken, he was probably asked "nicely" to resign. And if that's the case, I've got pilfering rights to his office furniture! =) I'll keep my ears and eyes open though, just in case.
Thanks Ken!