Thanks for Nothing Easter Bunny
Sunday, March 23, 2008 at 12:54PM 
It didn't dawn on me that today was Easter Sunday until, well, this morning, when I woke up to "Happy Easter" text messages on my Crackberry. I was wondering why the office was pretty empty last Friday. And then I wondered why, of all weekends, why the few that were in the office, were so interested in knowing what my weekend plans were. Outside of hosting a small viewing party of the season premiere of The Hills with my girlfriends, no big plans here. Hadn't hit me yet, still.
Here comes Saturday and the only thing planned there was my long overdue hair appointment at 2:00p.m. Same thing. I walk into the salon and my guy sits me in his chair and asks, "Doin' anything special tomorrow?"
I looked at him with a raised eyebrow and finally blurted, "What's goin' on tomorrow? You're the sixth person that's asked about weekend plans..." At this point I was annoyingly curious to find out why the fuck everyone was making such a big deal about this weekend for.
"You don't do Easter?"
"Easter?" And there was my big "aha!" moment. "Oh....right, Easter. Nothing planned." He gave me a pitiful look as if I had no friends or family to celebrate this joyous event with. He whipped out his shears and went to work.
At that moment I thought, am I supposed to be doing something for Easter? Go for Easter brunch somewhere in a floral print pastel colored dress with a matching oversized hat? Throw a honey-glazed ham in the oven for a few hours and forget it's there? Change my bed sheets to lighter spring colors and flip my mattress? I mean really? Forget the religious meaning of Easter; not to offend, but we all know, just like Christmas, the only thing we look forward to are presents under a tree and year-end bonuses. What do we get out of Easter?
Christmas gave us an old, jolly, obese man in a red suit who, somehow, someway, makes his fat ass through your fireplace to deliver goodies and presents. As adults, we know there is no fat man, BUT there are still presents!
Valentine's Day gave us a flying dwarf in diapers that kills your heart with a bow and arrow but makes it all better with chocolates, flowers, and diamonds (and a great night of sex - if your'e lucky). With this one, as adults....well, we just know better.
What did Easter give us? A fucking member of the rodent family, pretending to be a human, that hops around with a basket of colored eggs who gets a rise out of chasing little kids around in a park. If you ask me, sounds like a gay pedafile in a bunny suit using sugar coated marshmellows shaped like baby chicks to lure you in. And WTF for? A basket of hard-boiled colored eggs, and to do what with later on?
Alright, alright, with all due respect...I guess Easter festivities could be fun for kids up to 8 years old, maybe 10, as long as you keep them out of the park. But past that, Easter has to be the lamest holiday for all ages. You get nothing out of it. I can't even say egg coloring these days is a fun activity for kids. With everyone and everything "going green," artificial food coloring and waste is a big no no! Unless, of course, you make them eat all the eggs in their basket, then it's ok. But then you'd have to deal with aromatic unpleasantries for about a week.
So there's my Easter rant and with that I say "Thanks...Thanks for Nothing Easter Bunny!"
Reader Comments (7)
Hahaha...great article!
Never thought of it that way Tech Babe...but you're right, Easter gives us absolutely nothing in return! LOL;>)
Sex. We get sex.
A must watch!!!! Confirms the stupidity of the damn Easter Bunny!
Secret Lives: Easter Begins
Sex? I'll buy that...
It's just another Hallmark Holiday. An attempt to rape the consumer of their money.....
Touche! All I got was a 4 year old whining about how she didn't find as many eggs as the others and a 7 year old crying about how he didn't find the eggs with the money in them, HA. Ungrateful Holiday!!! You are Hilarious