I’ve been busy all week with back-to-back meetings, attending to massive production issues, and dealing with everyone asking about my MIA Boss. His reassignment hasn’t been formally announced yet and the plan is to have someone ready to go before any announcement went out. So if you recall from my last post, my immediate task was to bring in 3 potential candidates for interviews this week. A little short notice, so I did what I could do.

I’ve been running short on time to review the stack of resumes that were handed to me by my new boss. So I threw the stack up in the air and picked the first three that landed on my office floor face up. I figured it’s just as good since everyone plagiarizes resumes these days anyway and, not to mention, with the types of people they’ve been bringing in lately, they might as well have had a recruitment fair in the parking lot of the local Target. And the fact this was an IT Management position, the likelihood of picking a woman’s resume would be slim to none, well, then again there are the butch lesbian types. Regardless, I was content with my candidate resume selection process.

So here’s what I ended up with:

Candidate #1: Simone Bosworth – Big Five consulting background; BS, Management from Harvard School of Business (Damnit! A Woman!!!)…

Candidate #2: Venkatesh Vanamali – Well, the name says it all. Another Indian. (Listed as “Venky” for short, but pronounced “Wenky” and the last name translates to Lord Krishna with a flower garland…great, a gay Hindu god – fucking perfect!)…

And,

Candidate #3: Johnnie Vasquez – 7 Years industry experience; BA, Film Major from BYU (WTF? A Mexican Mormon Film Maker? Interesting…can’t wait to talk to him!)

I successfully booked interview dates and times with these guys and decided to use a more “direct” interview approach. I wanted to hone in on the “mesh-well” factor as opposed to the traditional and HR approved approach of “So tell me a little bit about your last position…strengths/weaknesses…what did you like or did not like about your last job…etc…” These are all bullshit questions that can be formulated and rehearsed over and over again. I wanted to catch them off guard to see how well they could respond to questions way out in left field and more importantly, to see how they’d be able to handle me.

Below are a few of the questions I asked during each interview along with their responses:

Question #1: What would you do to keep your team energized and motivated in an environment where work morale is at an all time low and the opportunity for advancement look grim?

• Simone: “I’d bring Krispy Kreme donuts in every Wednesday morning, to get them over the hump. Everyone loves Krispy Kreme donuts!”
• Venky: “Hmmm, that is a very difficult situation for one to be productive and happy. But I am confident I can make them happy.”
• Johnnie: “I’d take ‘em out drinking and make it a rule to not discuss work or how much they hate their jobs. And if they don’t drink, I’ll teach ‘em.”

Question #2: How do you feel about the use of profanity in a very fucked up workplace?

• Simone: (No comment, just a look of disgust that I had just said ‘fucked.’ She cleared her throat and tried to answer and I moved on to the next question.)
• Venky: “We do not generally use such words in day-to-day business dealings, but in some cases, where appropriate, shit, goddamn, why not?”
• Johnnie: “I encourage it 200%! Everyone has their days, and by the sounds of this place, it may be everyday. Whatever gets you through the day as long as you get there and your work gets done.”

Question #3: Describe a typical weekend for yourself?

• Simone: “I usually attend my weekly book club gatherings and have wine and cheese parties.”
• Venky: “Most weekends I am working, but I have no complaints.”
• Johnnie: “Hit the gym, play a little Halo, sometimes Half Life, and definitely toss a few back to reward myself for a long work week.”

Question #4: How do you like working with and for a female?

• Simone: “I think it would be great. There’s an instant connection females have with one another, in matters of respect, understanding, and empathy and that’s a very special bond.”
• Venky: “I am not accustomed to that structure but will conform as required for the job.”
• Johnnie: “It’s preferred! A powerful woman is an attractive woman in my book. Does she do Happy Hours?”

Based on the questions asked and the responses received, I think it’s pretty obvious who I’m going to select. But thought I’d take a poll to see if I am making the right decision.

So, here it is, who would you pick to be my co-ring leader in this crazy circus?