Wenky’s mad at me. (Shocker!) He received an email from HR today requiring his attendance to an all day Sensitivity Training on Friday. The message was marked URGENT and his attendance was deemed MANDATORY.

Here’s the rundown. ..

I got a call from one of my Sybase/Powerbuilder guys today advising me that he will be out of the office for about two to three weeks for an appendectomy. His name is Romie (FKA “Romy”). While his name sounds the same phonetically, Romie is very sensitive to the way it is spelled. Why? Romie is a pre-op transgender (female going male). In any case, this wasn’t good news since he was the only one on staff that still knew Sybase and Powerbuilder (fucking legacy apps!). Anyway, to fill the temporary gap, I asked Wenky to find me a contractor with this skill set immediately. Wenky was on it and knew it would be quite challenging to find a temporary replacement as quick as we needed him. To ensure he understood the urgency of this, I asked him to come to my office.

“So did you hear about Romie?” I asked.

“No boss. Who is he?”

“He’s our only Sybase/Powerbuilder guy and he will be out for about a month.”

“Oh, is it the lady that which has a beard?”

A light bulb went on in my head and I thought what a perfect opportunity to fuck with him!!! This was going to be fantastic!

“Yes,” I answered….”that’s the guy.”

And by the way, Romie is growing facial hair and what used to be lady lumps are slowly but surely flattening out from all the testosterone pills he’s been chugging down. Wenky continued…

“Is she ok? Is his family ok? What is going on with her…him…her?

“I know Wenky, it’s hard to keep it straight. I had trouble with that in the beginning too, but you’ll figure it out eventually. Anyway, Romie is going to be out as he will be undergoing a very serious medical procedure.”

“Oh my Ghandi…what is it boss?”

“He’s going to have an ap-pen [eh-hem]…it’s a complicated procedure and not very common, which makes it very serious. It’s called an ‘Adadictomy’ (add-a-dick-to-me).”

“Ad-a-dic-tomy?”

“Yes.”

“You are correct, I am not familiar with such medical procedure but I understand this is serious.”

“So you now understand why we need to bring someone in to backfill Romie while he is out? Because there’s no telling if and when he’ll recover.”

“Sure thing boss! I will make few phone calls and ask others in office if they know of any referrals to get someone very very fast.”

Wenky left my office with a look of deep concern in his eyes and I watched him leave my office with a big smirk on my face. I grabbed my keys and went to lunch.

(3 hours later….)

I returned to my office and Wenky was there pacing back and forth with a look of fury in his eyes. Playing stupid, I asked,

“Did someone piss in your yogurt or chick peas today?”

“How could you humiliate me like this boss?”

Still playing stupid…”Like what?”

“I’ve been making phone calls to find backfill for Romie as you have requested, and asking people in office if they knew anyone and then they ask me why…what is happening with Romie? Then I tell them, oh, very bad…Romie is out to have an Adadictomy medical procedure!”

“How many people did you tell that to?”

“Half the FUCKING office boss! Oh sorry for using such words, but yes, the whole office!”

“So what’s the problem?”

“Many of them, after I tell them, get very very upset with me and tell me they will call HR and I don’t know why. Do you? Do you know why boss? HUH? TELL ME!!!”

“No, I haven’t a fucking clue! What’s the big deal with telling everyone that Romie is out for an Appendectomy? You’d think they’d be just as concerned and get a card or send him a fucking plant or something….sheesh!”

“Vut did you say?”

“What?”

“Vut is this name of this medical procedure?”

“An Appendectomy. You know, the removal of his appendix. Duh…”

“Shit, goddamn, I know very very well vut an appendectomy is. You tell me Adadictomy, which I find out is process by which they sew on prosthetic penis to ladies with beards!”

Wenky stormed out of my office. I received an email from him later on that evening that said in spite of the humiliation I put him through, he was able to get that backfill contractor for me. He starts Monday. His email was short and I could sense a coldness in the tone of his email. But I guess I deserved it. Good ol' Wenky...yeah, I'm going to have fun with him around=)