Brunch with a Stripper
Tuesday, May 27, 2008 at 05:55PM 
It was an atypical Memorial Day weekend for me this year. All the usual weekend BBQ and Pool Party invites were pretty much shot to shit; more likely because the weather wasn’t favorable and everyone I know with a pool is sick. I would have never thought I’d be wearing fury boots and sweaters in May! In light of the lackluster weekend plans and nasty overcast weather, a few of my BFFs decided to at least eat well and shop. After the Lakers blow-out on Friday night and an all-day Sex and the City marathon on Saturday, I jumped at the opportunity to get out of the house.
We met for brunch on Sunday morning in full fledged Sunday Buffet Brunch attire – a variation of stretchy pants, comfy shoes, big sunglasses, and designer tank tops. No, we all don’t coordinate outfits, but we like to be comfortable. We arrived around the same time then BFF #1 gets a call from BFF #2, the Paralegal turned Stripper, asking what the rest of us were up to. BFF #3 and BFF #4, and I were all signaling to BFF #1 to make something up to deter her from joining us. BFF #1 isn’t a good liar so she told her we were all out about to have brunch at our usual spot. We all heard BFF #2’s voice through the cell phone in her usual loud, abrupt and imposing tone,
“Well I’m driving right by there now, looks like I’ll see you girls in a few minutes…don’t start without me!”
Great. Just what we needed. Another table conversation about how many lap dances she gave the night before and how quickly she made her customers nut in their pants. Not to be mean, but the rest of us have already fallen victim of the “guilty by association” accusations from recent outings with her. We’re not one to judge, especially me. And it’s not that we have an absolute objection to her moonlighting; it’s her life and her business. But don’t subject us to it all! What makes it worse is that she didn’t pick this up for the money. She picked it up because she had a sudden epiphany that made her desperate for sexual attention…”freaky” sexual attention…3-ways, 4-ways, girl-on-girl-on-guy, guy-on-guy-on-girl, and a ton of toys for prodding. Look, we can all be freaks in the bedroom and that’s fine. Just leave it there! She won’t admit it, but we’re all positive this is a result of a recent break-up…and it was a bad one. But we’ve all had our streak of bad break-ups. And we all deal with it in different ways. If this is her way of dealing with it, cool. But what happens now is she can’t stop talking about it! And it’s fucking annoying! Not to mention, she could care less where she is and who’s around her when giving us a play-by-play of last night! So "no", you don’t need to showcase your new bruises, and fan out all the singles that was thrown at or shoved in you, and "no", don’t ask if you could exchange 50 singles for 2 twenties and a ten and "positively absofuckinglutely NO" to borrowing my stripper pole so you can slither your body parts and crevices all over it! So don't ask me again! (So I've got a pole...for fitness purposes=)
The biggest problem we’re finding, having a stripper in the bunch is this. She has nothing to contribute to any of our conversations anymore. She acts out and doesn’t care that she shows up to a nice Sunday Brunch directly coming off of her shift. And her appearance?...lashes lost it’s adhesivness, lipstick smeared, penciled eyebrows faded, and nest-like hair extensions that scream “I just got rocked hard!” has been her daily outerwear lately. Yeah, not down with that. Wear a fucking cap or something! She doesn’t care! And it’s fucking embarrassing! And something has to be said when she pays for everything in singles and whips it out of her little stripper pouch alongside a pack of wet-naps to go.
Not too sure how much longer we’ll be able to tolerate this. But won’t last too long, I’m sure. We’re all hoping this is just a phase she’s going through. Question is, how long?
There’s my Memorial Weekend rant for you. Gearing up for Game 4. Johnnie Vasquez and I are meeting at BJs for the game and for BJs at my place afterwards. Let’s go Lakers! Woohoo!
Reader Comments (15)
Strippers need friends too. But there's a time and place to bring up all the shit that goes down in the champagne room!
How's about we see some video of your legs wrapped around that pole and a slow ride to the bottom? You can't put that visual in our heads and not give us a little taste...
no offense tech babe, but it seems like a case of the "pot calling the kettle black". You seem like the kind of girl that seems to do things because you like the sexual attention yourself. You probably don't see your own similarities to your so called "BFF # 2". A confident woman does not have to be overtly slutty because when she knows she's the shit, she doesn't have to act like she's desperate for the attention. And lets face it, sometimes you come off a bit slutty. Just an observation.
observer - You're absolutely right. The difference is, I'm not down with making my sexuality and what I do behind closed doors a public display. Granted, I write this blog, but my readers don't actually know me. It's a completely different story when you're out in public with people looking at you sideways and judging you based on the conversation they're overhearing. And with regards to your "slutty" comment? Right again, I guess.
"But if I were a guy, you'd be shaking my hand"
-Samantha Jones, SATC
Jason X - And what's in it for me? hahaha!
Has anyone assumed the BFF #5 spot yet? You've got a pretty colorful bunch there TB and would love to join you=)
Tech babe, lets just say that I'm pretty certain you are like that in public as well. There's a difference between being sexual and sexy versus being slutty and trashy. And trust me, I'm a believer of a woman being confident about her sexuality, there's just a point where you cross the line and you make yourself look like a whore. But hey, if you're good with being slutty, so be it.
observer - do you know me or something? How are you so certain? And you're wrong. I do not put myself out in public that way. Sexy? Sure...slutty? NEVER.
that's funny, I thought you just said I was right about you being "slutty". Whether I know you or not is irrelevant, you have a picture of you in lingerie on the blog, enough said. You definitely require the attention of others. Sexy...maybe, slutty...definitely.
observer, you sound like a bitch.
We had a girl in our group of friends who went a totally different direction. Started out cocktailing, then she was on stage taking her clothes off. None of us has spoken to her or seen her in over year. We hope she's ok. But we just didnt have anything in common anymore. Sounds like the same is happening here. Good luck with her.
Observer: Semantics. Sexy, slutty. What's the difference? Only women call each other sluts.
As an example: Woman A who's only fucking one guy, calls Woman B a slut because she's fucking two guys. Well, guess what? Grandma calls Woman A a slut for fucking a guy she isn't married to.
Any given man will fuck either Woman A or Woman B regardless. And in some cases, maybe even the grandma.
Not that I don't appreciate a good cat fight, but women are funny when it comes to this subject.
Thanks Bree! I'm glad someone in this thread can really relate to this.
And you make a good point Jason, as always!
I'm only pointing out that Tech Babe is much more similar to her "BFF 2", who she spent a whole blog ragging on. No one called Tech Babe a slut, just said she acted kind of slutty. Which she apparently agreed with and then changed her mind on.
And Jason, maybe you are right about women being the only ones to call other women sluts. Men have even worse words for them, which I'm sure you have used plenty of times. But in all honesty, your opinion will only matter to me when you start having some kind of respect for women. Or should I say respect for women, when they aren't performing some sexual favor for you. And since that will NEVER happen, I just think you are a retard.
Yes, I'm a big retard. Thanks for taking an interest in the retarded things I have to say. Feedback is always welcomed and encouraged, and of course, entertaining.