Today was Sydney the intern's, or my man-bitch's, last day. It was three months of pure summer bliss. He brought me my Starbuck's coffee every morning, offered to get my lunch daily, protected me from the "Dicks," and most importantly gave me his pickle when I needed something to crunch on for a light afternoon snack. 

The team took him out for a send-off lunch and it was a lunch he'd never forget! Topics of discussion were as follows:

•  Butt plugs versus ass beads, along with instructions of use,
• Who's gay in the office and who have they blown in the office during or after hours,
• Bi-sexual versus bi-curious and there's no such thing as a bi-anything guy, he's just gay,
• How to avoid proposing to your girlfriend though she knows you already bought a ring,
• Which interacial couples make the ugliest and prettiest babies. (The term "Chindian" was born),
• Who comes to the office high as fuck. (You know who you are),
• Who's girl/boyfriend or spouse you'd like to fuck, and lastly,
• Our other co-worker, Tanya, with triple-D's.

Sydney was innocently fascinated and thought we, Americans, have really gotten creative with office entertainment. He was mostly amused with the talented triple-D's Tanya was carrying. Tanya can hold all the contents in her purse in her boobs and you can't see any bulk! Freakishly fucking amazing! She pulled out her blackberry from her left boob, her wallet from her right, and after we ate our meal, whipped out her compact and lipgloss from her cleavage! What?!?! It was fucking fantastic.

It was a very informative and entertaining lunch n' learn, to say the least, and Sydney couldn't agree more. It was a memory he'd take back to his homeland of Koala-ala-bang-bang. I tried sending him home right after lunch but he wanted to stick around and hover around my office just a little while longer. 

Three o'clock strikes and like clock-work, Sydney's there handing me a Rockstar and a sugar twist. He's so good to me, I swear.

Five o'clock rolls around and after burning the midnight oil last night, I began to power down and pack up. Sydney waited for me by the elevator and walked me to my car, gave me a big hug and I smacked him on his hot ass. It was a bitter sweet moment. Bitter, moreso for selfish reasons. I mean fuck! Who the hell was going to get me my triple venti non-fat, no foam, easy whip, upside-down caramel machiatto now? First, my work spouse gets canned, and now Sydney's going back to Sydney. Wait. There's a new DBA that I can fuck with. I'll call it his hazing. All is well. Minions come a dime a dozen or for free. Let's see what next summer brings. In the meantime, I'll just stay focused on busting balls and cunt-punting.