Off the top, this shit is sick! The graphics n the speed r like no other device on the mkt.                  (Thx 3G!) Lotsa free apps, quick installs, and gotta' luv the addition of MS Outlook Exchg                    n Active Sync.

Wut I don't like so far, but worth the patience n getting used 2...

-No SMS text features w/ the cute smileys=( 

-Lotsa typos for chics w/ nails, so takes longer to type nething

-Contacts search bar isn't static

Guess u can't have it all...but I luv my new toy=)

(BTW, this took me about 1/2 hr to post fr my iPhone=/) 

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Sent from my iPhone. Please excuse any typpoos n brevity. 

Like the "world" really gives two shits about email banter...

Danny Conrad has really done it this time and I'm conjuring up a payback plan as I write this now.

There is nothing that peeves me more than being copied on every single email thread that contains absolutely no value to me nor my department; where no response is needed, no opinions required, hence, no expectations. All this does is fill up my mailbox til I hit the maximum storage limit. Then I spend the rest of the fucking day filing emails away. It would be simpler to hit the delete button, but then I open my ass up to free spankings if I'm not careful.

POINT #1: I hate when people copy me on everything. I NEVER do that because I know how annoying it could be!

Danny, of course, doesn't get it. He got burned a few times for not copying the appropriate individuals on emails that had critical and urgent contents in it. So, in a way, I understand why he chooses to copy the world on everything. But in this situation, it was completely unnecessary.

I started the email chain asking for his ETA on reviewing a Statement of Work from one of our suppliers, indicating the urgency in finalizing by end of day Thursday, 07/03/08, to prevent project timeline risk. He responds to my email with the following response:

"My review cannot be completed in the timeline you allotted. Any good Program Manager should know contract reviews don't happen over night. I will be out of the office until 07/11/08 and will get my review in then. In the meantime, if this creates missed target dates, there will be serious consequences from the business areas." -D. Conrad

Oh, and this went out to approximately 15 recipients on copy, including the Division CIO and two VP's. How idiotic is he?!?! There's gotta' be 1,000 things wrong with that email. (Ok fine...more like 5 things wrong.)

POINT #2: I especially hate when people Cc: the entire world to include multiple layers of management when personal attacks are so obvious in the tone of the email.

There was a lot of back and forth from that last response and everytime I responded, I deleted recipient names. He, on the other hand, kept adding them all back in! WHY?!?!?! I don't fucking get it! Oh, but he conveniently fails to mention, that this SOW has been sitting in his inbox for the past two and half weeks (ASSHOLE!!!). The email feuding went a few more rotations but in the end, he managed to berate me amongst my peers and colleagues, criticize the way I do my job, and make himself look like the biggest fucking prick in the organization! HA!!!!

Maybe I don't need a good payback plan after all. But I'm still open to suggestions, thoughts, etc...

We had another re-org, yet again. A total of seven, three major and 4 minor, which included inter-departmental re-orgs. But who's counting? I do love people-watching come re-org time. There's an air of nervousness, anxiety, fear of being outsourced, etc. all around...the whispers, the silent stares, the sudden increase in productivity-- it's just flat out pandimonium! It fucking amuses me. Not that I'm that cold of a human being, but I'm amused, moreso because those that fall into auto-panic state are more likely the poor performers, who's skills have dulled, but yet managed to have flown under the radar for years and have gotten away with it. And this, sadly enough, includes Senior Level Managers. How these people climb the ranks over here is beyond me. So rather than getting rid of dead weight, they simply take away any direct reports and decommission you in the "Special Projects" cloud. This is how my organization looked like in the beginning of the year-pretty standard, except for that for VP guy in the Special Projects cloud (I hear he's been there for a couple of years now):

I usually take these re-orgs with a grain of salt and become completely unaffected by it. Re-orgs are almost always simply a change in reporting structure for budgetary reasons; but the job doesn't change, typically. As long as a paycheck is coming my way, I've got no issues with it. Besides we all operate under a matrixed reporting structure anyways, so who gives a fuck? Yeah, that was my attitude about 2 months ago when after another re-org, it looked like this:

Yes, that Special Projects cloud got bigger. One of the new fallen Directors was my MIA Boss. And as a result, I picked up two more areas of responsibility. Still not too big of a deal, but I was becoming more concerned than I really led on. Fuckers man. Another one, or two, rather, bites the dust. Still retaining their VP and Director statuses, same pay, just now working on a Special Project, with no visibility, and therefore no accountability. And no one knows what the fuck kind of special projects these are!

With the latest and greatest re-org, just announced late Wednesday, it's now looking like this:

And by the way, that bright red bubble call-out that reads "HELLO Muther Fuckers...I'm dyin' here"? That's me, Tech Babe. Even more areas of responsibility, with no pay increase, no additional headcount, and not a single competent Sr. Manager left in the hierarchy. It's only a matter of time that the Special Projects cloud becomes even bigger. As a matter of fact, so many idiots have been decommissioned to the SP cloud that they're fucking things up even moreso now with absolute zero control that the Division CIO formally named the longest standing SP guy, VP, Special Projects & Governance. And his immediate responsibility? To establish a standard governance procedure and methodology tailored to "Special Projects" to regain control over these special projects that no one ever knows what they even are! What the fuck did I just say...I don't know, bottom line, it's late, I'm tired, and my goal is to hit VP status in 6 months so I can fuck up as much as I want, still get paid, still retain an executive title, and write blogs all day. (Not really.)

I guess there is a silver lining to every cloud--regardless of what kind of cloud it is--which is, that second re-org brought me two things: (1) Venky, who I can play pranks on, yell at, and still count on him to deliver in spite of all that because I am now his "work-wife" and (2) Johnnie Vasquez, my Mexican Mormon who I'm now exchanging bodily fluids with.

Yeah, I'm going to really count on that silver lining when Performance Evals come around. Son of a... 

 *night*
 

Danny knows I’m so not a morning person. He’s also always competing with me, even though he knows I’m not competing with him--especially in the work place. He turns everything into a game show where contestants’ skill-sets are challenged and IQ levels tested. Game show categories have included or include:

· Most animated power point presentation

· Fastest code interpreter

· Most complicated and elaborate SQL Query

· Email Composition

· And of course, most visible project assignment

Sounds fun, doesn’t it? He won’t admit that I blow him out of any and all of the categories above, so to go for the grand prize, which is to take my job or get promo’d before I do, he resorts to petty little games to make me look bad--like scheduling an 8a.m. meeting on any given day, especially on a Monday, knowing damn well I won’t be there.

I got into the office at 7:50a.m., and waited outside the conference room until 8a.m. exactly. I gave it one more minute to get him going with his formal announcement to the participants of my non-responsiveness to the sense of urgency in and around this project. While waiting, I composed a quick text message to Danny, but it didn't send it just yet. I walked in casually, sipping my triple-venti-non-fat-easy caramel-light whip caramel machiatto, apologized for being a single minute late, looked at him and gave him the nod; you know, the “sit your ass down, I’ve got it from here” nod. Right as he sat, I hit SEND on my blackberry and proceeded with the meeting. Danny reached for his blackberry and read the following:

SORRY YOU LOSE, PLEASE TRY AGAIN…GAME ON ASSHOLE!

Yeah, that got him heated. He would usually fire right back at me regardless of who was around, but being the newbie on the floor, he knew he still had to prove himself. Yes, the ability to be a bitch or an asshole in the workplace is earned.

And by the way, I only made it in as early as I did because I had a “welcome back from Vegas” late night session with Johnnie Vasquez at his place and he had it worse than me—a 7a.m. Monday meeting! Poor guy, I rocked him pretty good last night too.

LAL  92

BOS 131

Or maybe this image will help:

A big game night for me is also a big game night for him. But not because he is supporting the team I'm cheering on, but moreso because it will determine what kind of mood I'll be in after the game, which, in turn, determines what kind of sex he's going to get after the game. Either way, it's a win-win situation for him. We will have sex.

If the Lakers lose, I'll be angry at first, cussing up a storm, but will likely take down a few shots of straight vodka to calm my nerves. When I'm in that state, Johnnie knows to back off and give me a moment. But as soon as those vodka shots hit, the anger is just about gone and Johnnie hits me with the "It'll be alright, there's always the next game" spiel. Then the night ends with nice n' slow and overly passionate sex...comfort sex - He "drives."

If the Lakers win, I'll be on complete overdrive with endless bursts of "Fuck yeahs" and singing the "We Love L.A." hook repeatedly along with the other Laker fans in the bar. And it's likely that I'll take a few shots of, not vodka, but tequila, which gets me a bit devilish when it hits. And when I'm that pumped, topped with a couple shots of Patron in my system, Johnnie knows I'll have to get all that energy out somehow to get to sleep. Then the night ends with hot n' dirty erotic sex...porn star sex - I drive.

So tonight, another nail-biting and close game. But the Lakers pulled it off! Final Score: 87 - 81, LAL!!!!! I'll slip on my purple n' gold to celebrate tonight's win.

FUCK YEAH!!!!

By 9:00a.m., all the bagels and muffins have been picked over. Some have a “thing” for muffin tops only, leaving all the lonely muffin bottoms in the serving tray that no one is going to go for. And some take one of each kind to bring home to their kids later or to stock up for the remainder of the week…losers, I swear.

There have been a multitude of complaints over the past several weeks regarding Bagel Wednesdays:

• There’s never enough to for everyone
• There’s more poppy-seed than there are other flavors
• The cream cheese spread is not low cal
• No one can tell what kind of muffins are on the tray because of the Muffin Top Bandit

Isn’t there more shit to complain about in an IT Department like server capacity issues, infrastructure and network latency reports, or application failures? I guess not – not in my IT Department, anyway. Instead we complain about bagels and muffins by sending the Executive Asst. to the CIO anonymous complaints about Bagel Wednesday. She finally got fed up with all the complaints and a blanket email went out at 11:00a.m. that read:

IMPORTANT INFORMATION REGARDING BAGEL WEDNESDAYS

We have received notice that our IT Budget has been cut again. As such, this has affected our Bagel Wednesday expenses. Effective immediately, we will only buy enough bagels and muffins to accommodate one bagel or one muffin per IT employee. And to ensure you receive the muffin or bagel of your choice, there is a new Bagel and Muffin spreadsheet on the Department share-drive for you to pre-fill your option. This needs to be completed by EOD Tuesday to ensure your order is received. If you do not come in on the corresponding Wednesday and you have placed your bagel/muffin order for that day you're out, you are entitled to neither a bagel nor a muffin the following Wednesday.

Please adhere to this new Wednesday Bagel policy and procedure.

Sally, Executive Asst. to the CIO

Are you fucking kidding me with this?!?!

I never get a bagel or muffin on Bagel Wednesdays because of this. Nah, who am I kidding…I never get a bagel or muffin on Bagel Wednesdays because I don’t start my day til 10:00a.m. [But I do work pretty late damnit!]

C O N G R A T U L A T I O NS

L A K E R S

WESTERN CONFERENCE CHAMPIONS

2008

Great way to close out after another day packed with back-to-back meetings and receiving news of an upcoming business trip to New York with, none other than, Danny Conrad. But I won't drill down into the details of that right now. Johnnie Vasquez is coming over to help me unload all this pent up energy and excitement. I'm definitely in much better spirits now. Woohoo!!!!!

We met for brunch on Sunday morning in full fledged Sunday Buffet Brunch attire – a variation of stretchy pants, comfy shoes, big sunglasses, and designer tank tops. No, we all don’t coordinate outfits, but we like to be comfortable. We arrived around the same time then BFF #1 gets a call from BFF #2, the Paralegal turned Stripper, asking what the rest of us were up to. BFF #3 and BFF #4, and I were all signaling to BFF #1 to make something up to deter her from joining us. BFF #1 isn’t a good liar so she told her we were all out about to have brunch at our usual spot. We all heard BFF #2’s voice through the cell phone in her usual loud, abrupt and imposing tone,

“Well I’m driving right by there now, looks like I’ll see you girls in a few minutes…don’t start without me!”

Great. Just what we needed. Another table conversation about how many lap dances she gave the night before and how quickly she made her customers nut in their pants. Not to be mean, but the rest of us have already fallen victim of the “guilty by association” accusations from recent outings with her. We’re not one to judge, especially me. And it’s not that we have an absolute objection to her moonlighting; it’s her life and her business. But don’t subject us to it all! What makes it worse is that she didn’t pick this up for the money. She picked it up because she had a sudden epiphany that made her desperate for sexual attention…”freaky” sexual attention…3-ways, 4-ways, girl-on-girl-on-guy, guy-on-guy-on-girl, and a ton of toys for prodding. Look, we can all be freaks in the bedroom and that’s fine. Just leave it there! She won’t admit it, but we’re all positive this is a result of a recent break-up…and it was a bad one. But we’ve all had our streak of bad break-ups. And we all deal with it in different ways. If this is her way of dealing with it, cool. But what happens now is she can’t stop talking about it! And it’s fucking annoying! Not to mention, she could care less where she is and who’s around her when giving us a play-by-play of last night! So "no", you don’t need to showcase your new bruises, and fan out all the singles that was thrown at or shoved in you, and "no", don’t ask if you could exchange 50 singles for 2 twenties and a ten and "positively absofuckinglutely NO" to borrowing my stripper pole so you can slither your body parts and crevices all over it! So don't ask me again! (So I've got a pole...for fitness purposes=)

The biggest problem we’re finding, having a stripper in the bunch is this. She has nothing to contribute to any of our conversations anymore. She acts out and doesn’t care that she shows up to a nice Sunday Brunch directly coming off of her shift. And her appearance?...lashes lost it’s adhesivness, lipstick smeared, penciled eyebrows faded, and nest-like hair extensions that scream “I just got rocked hard!” has been her daily outerwear lately. Yeah, not down with that. Wear a fucking cap or something! She doesn’t care! And it’s fucking embarrassing! And something has to be said when she pays for everything in singles and whips it out of her little stripper pouch alongside a pack of wet-naps to go.

Not too sure how much longer we’ll be able to tolerate this. But won’t last too long, I’m sure. We’re all hoping this is just a phase she’s going through. Question is, how long?

There’s my Memorial Weekend rant for you. Gearing up for Game 4. Johnnie Vasquez and I are meeting at BJs for the game and for BJs at my place afterwards. Let’s go Lakers! Woohoo!

We met back in 2001 when I came on to manage a team of analysts at a leading Mortgage Servicing house. My first impression of him wasn’t in his favor. He was overly cocky, combative, liked listening to himself speak and was convinced that every answer to any question could be formulated by applying business calculus. He just always had something to say. In the company of others, he’d take pleasure in “one-upping” the one speaking. He was young, unseasoned, immature, and was still trying to win the prize for hooking up with the most girls at work. He’s 6 years my junior. On the other hand, he was also very witty, cracked a lot of jokes, tall and good-looking and somewhat charming, and put himself together very nicely. And that was the problem with Danny. It’s like he had two personalities scaling on two extremes…never a happy medium. He was liked and hated. Guys thought he was an asshole and girls flocked to him. I was unaffected by what everyone told me about him, convinced there was no way I’d fall for any of his shit. Wrong!

After four months of working together, which includes four months of butting heads, four months of constant bickering, and four months of pushing my buttons, we found ourselves in the sheets with one another. And so it started, the beginning and end of the most unlikely and dysfunctional relationship! He picked and nagged at everything in the workplace, at home, at restaurants…damn he was a pill! But there was something that drew me to him each and every time that I couldn’t shake. I guess he masked everything I hated about him with his sensitivity and passion for me. We solved most of our problems in the sack. The sex was ridiculously amazing! We hated each other one day and couldn’t pry us apart the next. He was manipulative and managed to get me to fall for his shenanigans every time! I couldn’t win! The irony is, I was never trying to win--anything! He turned everything into a contest. He decided to pursue an MBA from Pepperdine when he got wind of my 2 year old accomplishment just to prove he can come out of it with a higher GPA than mine! And guess what? He did and I didn’t give a fuck! His response? “You’re only acting like you don’t care because I beat you.” Are you fucking kidding me? Right then and there I knew he carried way more estrogen than I did. What guy does that?

At some point, we started working out with each other. When running alongside the treadmill with one another, he’d look over at my display at the end of our sprint and say, “That’s it? That’s all you got? I thought you were this total gym-rat and I’m hitting 7 minute miles…” This went on and on for at least 10 minutes after our run…EVERY TIME! And that’s what was playing and replaying in my head throughout my entire run last night! This is going to be horrible!

He broke up with me after about year. And his reason? "If you can't see yourself as my wife, then we're not going anywhere. We should cut our losses now." WTF?!?!? It's only been a fucking year and he's talking about marriage? Most girls would be thrilled, but not me. I'd be worn and haggard by the time I even got to the church from all the blow-ups we would have had leading up to the day; which, by the way, would give him an out to cheat on me with some hussy at the corner bar. No thank you! He's so draining! And I'm drained again just thinking back. In spite of the break-up, we still worked with one another, still butted heads, still bickered over stupid shit, and therefore, still had explosive angry sex.

I’m already anticipating all the PDA (Public Displays of Arguments)! And our arguments were always huge blow-outs that always landed me in bed with him. Nope, not this time. Thank goodness for Johnnie Vasquez! He’s got all of my sexual attention these days…and it’s even more mind-blowing than ever! Besides, it’s been at least 5 years, he could have matured, right? God help me...