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  • Writer's pictureJason X

5 Compelling Reasons to work from home

Now that celebrity Covid-19 has mostly become a has-been, companies are requiring workers to come back to the office and return to pre-Covid work policies. A lot of people are very unhappy with this. However, companies are emphasizing the importance of face-to-face interaction and collaboration in the office. Certainly logical reasoning, but I do believe there are not only valid reasons for working from home, but some very compelling reasons.

Here are my top 5:

  1. You don't want to work. The easiest way to not do your job is to be somewhere nobody can see you not doing it, aka, working from home. Don't get me wrong--I've seen coworkers at work shopping online on their laptops during meetings. You can still not work at work but it's so much easier to not do it from home. And even though you're doing less work at home, you're actually being more productive. Instead of washing clothes at night, you're washing them during the day and freeing up your time after work for some real fun. Grocery shopping can be completed in between meetings so that you don't have to stop and shop on the way home from work. Cleaning, home repairs, putting together furniture you ordered online, etc. You get a real productivity boost by working from home. Tell your boss to put that in his pipe and smoke it. Which is also, another thing you can do working from home.

  2. Your cat got used to having you around. The emotional health of your cat should be a concern for everyone, including the company that employs you. If your cat is emotionally distraught, then so are you. And if you're not at your emotional best, how can anyone expect your performance to be at its best? You and your cat relied on each other during the pandemic and now that your local government isn't keeping you locked inside anymore, are you expected to abandon the one human being who kept you sane?

  3. You're more productive working in your underwear. The sense of freedom you feel working in your underwear or even naked from the waist down is invaluable. You're more open with your ideas, more vulnerable to emotional pleas for collaboration, etc. The best thing is, nobody knows what's going on below your desk. And you don't know what's going on below the desk of those you're seeing on a Zoom meeting. Something normal? Something mysterious? Something HR should know about? There are also health benefits of working mostly nude. Did you know that pants are bad for your health? Here are some of the dangers of wearing pants for both men and women: 1) Urinary tract infections, 2) Lower sperm count, 3) Fungal infections, 4) Twisted testicles, 5) Bladder weakness, 6) Groin discomfort. Keep your employees healthy; either let them work remotely or let them work in the office in their briefs.

  4. Naptime is easier on your couch than at your desk in the office. Seriously, have you ever tried to sleep at your desk at work? Of course, you have. Midday naps make you more alert (after sleep) and energized. Just ask Spain. Everyone knows people in Spain go home at lunch and take a siesta every workday. And even though they don't, most people in the US think they know that they do. Use that as leverage. I don't know what their GDP is, but just to be safe, avoid that topic. Also, Italy has Riposo, Japan has Inemuri, Scandinavia has Nap (not very creative, but just as effective) and Germany has Wienerschnitzel. Naptime is an essential part of working remotely, and you now require it--so demand it.

  5. You can binge Netflix series while you work. Do you know how much content is out there streaming now? Yeah, how are you supposed to binge all these series if you don't have a TV five feet from your desk? Or right from your computer? People get uncomfortable when you do that at work, which again, is a compelling reason to work from home. You don't want to make people uncomfortable at work sitting in your underwear watching All of Us are Dead while simultaneously watching your cat on the kittycam or just simply taking a nap, do you? Certainly, your boss doesn't want that. So why in the world wide web would your boss not let you work from home?

I know you're saddened by these new (old) rules requiring your presence at work every day, but we have a compelling argument here. And if words are not enough, start showing up at work in your underwear and see how impactful that will be. You'll get what you want. In the end.

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