top of page
  • Writer's pictureJason X

Unique Date Ideas for Valentine's Day

Valentine's Day may be an exciting holiday for you if you're very young, but as life goes on, this day can get pretty monotonous. You soon start seeing it for what it is: a marketing ploy. But that doesn't mean you can't still make the day fun--you just have to get creative. Here are 5 suggestions to keep the flame alive regardless of the truly vapid nature of Valentine's Day:

  1. Couple's colonic. What's more romantic than removing toxins from your body--together? Sure, you could do the more traditional couple's massage, but come on, that's been done to death. What could be more exhilarating than an ass blast before dinner? It cleans you out, boosts your energy, and also prepares you for a colonoscopy, in case you want to take it to the next level.

  2. Snipe hunt. That's right, a good, old-fashioned Snipe hunt. Only if your date doesn't know what a Snipe is. Wouldn't it be romantic to sneak around in the dark woods hunting for something that doesn't exist? As long as you don't find something that does exist in the dark woods--like Jason Vorhees. And make sure Valentine's Day IS NOT on a Friday the 13th that year.

  3. Restaurant emergency. When your date goes to the bathroom, use their phone to call in a bomb threat. The pandemonium will be spectacular. You'll give your date an exhilarating experience. Even more exciting if the authorities trace the call back to your date's phone. Truly, a Valentine's date to remember.

  4. Solicit death threats. Valentine's Day shouldn't just be about candy and roses; there should be a little danger involved, which everyone knows powers passion. If you're in a blue state, wear a T-shirt that says, "I stormed the Capital on January 6th!" And if you're in a red state, wear a T-shirt that says, "I groom children to be socialists!" Movies aren't good without tension and conflict. The same applies to your own life. Don't be a boring date--conflict makes a date worth remembering.

  5. Ruin other people's dates. What's the best way to feel good about yourself? The misery of others. The best way to put a smile on your date's face is to provoke others. How can you be unhappy with everyone miserable around you? If you're at a restaurant, pick ice chips out of your glass of water and start pelting people across the room. If you're really good at it, they will not only become annoyed but also frustrated that they can't spot the perpetrator. If you're in line to get ice cream, make sure you taste a sample of every flavor in the store. Everyone will hate you, but your date will adore you for this simple act of ruinous behavior.

They say romance is dead; I say resurrect it with some wonderfully deplorable ideas that will put the spice back in your love life.

10 views0 comments


bottom of page